My boys

Lucas is 3. THREE!!!!

We had so much fun at his birthday party. We being everyone but Eli. As it turns out, he is not such a big fan o f crowds. He is, however, a big fan of cupcakes as you can see.

Dear Lucas,

I can't believe you are three. You are getting so big so fast. I am so proud of the little boy that you are becoming, and Eli could not ask for a better big brother. I told you that you are Eli's "hero" and that means he wants to be just like you. You told me "Mommy, you are my hero" and made me cry. You are so proud of your little brother Eli, and I know you two are going to be best buddies and drive your mother nuts. You are such a smart, caring and wonderful three year old and you are getting more fun each and every day. I love you so much Lucas, Happy 3rd Birthday!

P.S. Lucas don't worry, we will conquer this potty thing together. I know you can do it!

- Mom



Eli's first birthday party was a little more subdued. Chicken Mushroom Rigatoni, Teddy Bear Cupcakes and presents. He was in a much better mood for his own party, and we had a nice relaxing time. He remembered from Lucas' party that he likes cupcakes, and that's pretty much all he ate for supper. Only allowed on your birthday. Pulling off two birthday parties before Christmas is going to be difficult every year!


Dear Eli,

My littlest guy is not so little anymore. Eli, my favourite thing is when I come to get you out of your crib in the morning and you give me the biggest hug and nestle your head right into my shoulder. You don't hug anyone else like that. Just Mom. You just learned to give kisses, shake your head no and wave goodbye. No walking yet, but please don't hurry! You love your brother Lucas so much, and are off like a rocket to his room when I ask you where he is and to go wake him up for the day. Every time I look at you with your sweet brown eyes I melt just a little. You are my sweet little boy, please never change or get big! Happy 1st Birthday Eli, we love you so much.

- Mom

Christmas baking 2011

It's coming. And I'm not ready. Not by a long shot. Gifts to wrap, goodies to bake, last minute shopping to do. House to clean, and on and on and on.

Whoever planned for my two boys to have their birthdays in the weeks before Christmas wasn't thinking. How inconsiderate for them both to have birthdays so late in the year and put me behind my Christmas schedule.

My Christmas baking list for this year:

1) Butter Tart Bars - they were such a hit last year that they were gone well before Christmas and I had to make another batch

2) Salted Caramel Buttercrumb Bars - Shortbread + salted caramel = heaven.

3) Samoa bark - this one was tricky and I would do a few things differently if I made it again, but still delicious

4) Peanut Butter Marshmallow Squares - so easy and so good.

5) Peanut Butter Cup Cookies - a peanut butter cup wrapped in a peanut butter cookie. Can't go wrong.

6) Peppermint Brownies - another Christmas staple (the recipe for this one actually came from a BOOK.....so there is no link...sorry)

7) Homemade Oreos - I know these aren't very "Christmasy" but who cares

8) Rolo Pretzel Bites - Easy!

I am about 3/4 done. Just the brownies and buttertart bars left to go. I really don't think I am going to get around to baking sugar cookies this year. Which is too bad because they are my favourite. They are just so time consuming.

Merry Christmas!

Just a quick note:

I am currently sitting in Starbucks at the West Edmonton Mall sipping coffee, listening to Christmas carols and reading Ellen's new book and really, really enjoying this time to myself (I am here for work this week mostly.....and also to shop....obviously.). I just looked out the window and saw a Mama snuggling a still sleepy 1 year old and really, really miss my boys.

Story of my life: I want both. I want to be with my kids every second of the day because I don't want to miss a thing and I love them in an indescribable way. I want to go to work and love and appreciate my job every single day. I want to cherish this time to myself as it is few and far between, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

It is impossible to do all of these things at once, but I think I'm close!!

More posts to come.....

Remembering Kory

Wednesday October 19th, my 21 year old cousin passed away suddenly. The following weekend was a blur. Everything seemed like a really bad dream. And now, while the rest of us go back to some sense of normalcy, for his mom and dad (my aunt and uncle) and his sisters, things will never be quite the same. Speaking about this so briefly seems as if it is just a footnote, when in fact, I am doing my best to be brief out of respect to my family and their privacy. After something so tragic, I look at both of my baby boys and hug them a little tighter.

Goodbye 20's!

Falling asleep on the couch the minute after I put Eli to bed has become a Friday night ritual. I think it is a side effect of a long week. In this case, it has been a long couple of weeks with no reprieve on the weekends. As soon as the thought crossed my mind that things might been slowing down around here (finally!) they seem to pick right back up again. God help us when Terry returns to work and we are both working full time. Probably best if I just don't think about it.

For my 30th birthday two weeks ago, my awesome friends whisked me away for a girls night out at the cabin. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing group of friends who would organize a weekend away for me. Even though I was hesitant about a night away from the boys, it was a perfect way to say goodbye to my 20's. 30 is not the new 20. We were all asleep by midnight. My birthday celebrations lasted all weekend and by the time my actual birthday rolled around on Monday I was all birthday'd out! Thank you thank you thank you to all of my friends and family for an amazing 30th.

Playground update: Last week I brought my completed petition to the community association meeting, and spoke about why there is a need for a preschool play structure in our park. I was prepared and organized, thanks in part to my advisor Terry, and the information I presented was well received by the community association and president. The community association is drafting me a letter of support, which I will include in my report to city council. I hope to present my report along with my petition in early November. I have also been in touch with the community consultant from the city, who has been extremely helpful in answering my questions and keeping me informed of the park review process. The review process will take some time, but hopefully we can work together this winter and if all goes well, maybe we will have a playground in the spring!!

Defiance

I think the terrible twos have hit us a little late. I thought we avoided them somehow. But no, Lucas has figured out how to be defiant at exactly the perfect moment. In public.

I enrolled Lucas in gymnastics, his first unparented activity. The first two classes we attended, I watched from the sidelines as Lucas sat attentively and listened to the teacher and actively participated in class. I was so proud of him, and felt sorry for the mom and dad who could not for the life of them keep their child involved in class. Then I became that mom that all of the other parents are silently judging. I'm not sure what happened in the last two classes, but all of a sudden Lucas has just up and refused to do what he is supposed to. Last week I chocked it up to being tired and grumpy from not having a nap that day. But today there was no such excuse. It is incredibly frustrating this defiance thing, and I tried multiple approaches today with no success. A friend of mine blogged about a book that helped her ("Honey I Wrecked the Kids") that I just might have to pick up for myself.

My favourite act of defiance so far is the going limp strategy. Taking Lucas up to the line to go do a somersault and all of a sudden he has no bones or muscles in his body to hold him up. UGGGGHHH. And then he gives me the look. The "You can't make me do anything look". All I am thinking at this moment is "DO AN F-ING SOMERSAULT KID SO I CAN GO SIT BACK DOWN. NOW." Somersaults. These are the stresses in my life right now. Trivial.

Lucas has been a wonder-child. We have had it really easy with him and I know that. So hopefully this is a minor blip and we can continue on thinking we are the best parents ever. Ha.

I know already Eli is going to give us a run for our money, and we are not prepared. I might actually have to baby proof this time. The kid makes a mad dash for the stairs the moment the baby gate is removed. For a second I think we are having a nice bonding moment as I hold him and gaze into his big brown eyes, until he sees something he is interested in over my shoulder, at which point he starts clawing at my face trying to get me to move out of the way so he can get to the thing he is absolutely not supposed to have. Nightlights and computer cords mostly.

Playground update: 24 signatures to go!! I meet with the community association next week to get their support and after that it is city council. Stay tuned.....I know you are all on the edge of your seats.

Role Reversal

One month back at work and things are great!

My job is wonderful. I never dread going to work in the mornings, which is a good sign. I still dread actually getting out of bed....but I'm sure that never goes away. My co-workers are great, the hours are great, the actual work is interesting. Not sure I could ask for anything more! Well maybe more money....could always use more of that. Also, I don't have to wear the same thing every day!! I actually choose which clothes I want to wear!! Which means I need more of them, right?? Yes.

Working five days a week is wreaking havoc on my TV watching, keeping up with my blog (as you may have noticed), and keeping up with everything I need to do at my house. Lots of people have been asking me how Terry is handling things at home. Truthfully, so far he is doing a better job than I did! I think the expectation is that he would struggle. Maybe because he is a guy? Maybe because he hasn't been at home with two kids for an extended period of time? Who knows. All I know is that there is usually a meal prepared when I get home, my house is in good shape and my kids are happy and well looked after. Again, I can't ask for much more!

I could really get used to going to work and Terry being home. Unfortunately our bank accounts can only survive on one income for so long, so this arrangement will be short-lived. I think the boys are really enjoying the time with their Dad too. Dad is much better at playing trucks and doing crafts than Mom so I think Lucas is thrilled. The absolute best thing ever is coming home at the end of the day and having a little baby bouncing out of his high chair because he is so happy to see you. What a warm welcome home.

I am still nursing Eli three times a day and treasuring our time together before he will be completely weaned. It goes so fast! I am not stressing myself out about how much he is nursing vs. how much formula he is getting when I'm not here. I refuse to feel guilty about it. Three times a day is keeping me stress free while still letting me enjoy these last few months of nursing.

The countdown is on. About two weeks left before I turn 30. I don't even care really. I mean I love my birthday and all, having an excuse to indulge in some time to myself (and maybe a few gifts for myself!) but 30 isn't scary. Maybe after the day has come and gone I will feel differently....I'll let you know in a few weeks.

Playground update: 60 signatures!!! 40 to go. The hardest thing is finding time to go out and collect them. A lot of the signatures are people who don't have any interest in the playground, but are signing anyway. Great! And then there are people who have been in complete support and offering their time to help in any way they can, which is amazing!!! It also confirms to me that I'm not crazy, and there are others who feel the same way I do. I just have to keep at it, get my signatures and then move onto getting support from the community association. To be continued.....

Kienan

As I'm sure you are all aware, a 3 year old boy has been abducted from his home in Sparwood, BC. From his own bed, while he was sleeping. His parents put him to bed the night before and the next morning he was gone. News reports said that he was carrying numerous blankets with him.

This is my biggest personal fear. That one of my boys will be abducted in the middle of the night. Our windows and doors are locked every night and our house alarm with motion detector is set just to put my mind at ease so I can sleep knowing they are safe. Sometimes I am still kept awake thinking of the what if's.

My heart aches for this family. I look at Kienan's picture and he reminds me so much of Lucas. HE IS ONLY 3 YEARS OLD. That's so little. A scared little boy who probably just wants to go home. I don't even want to think about what the abductor's intentions were when he took him.

I have been checking the news religiously in hopes that he has been found, safe, sound and untouched.

PLEASE FIND THIS LITTLE BOY:

August

I'm tired of summer.

What a horrible thing to say. But it's true. Summer is exhausting.

I feel like all I do is pack and unpack bags to go places. I've got the 1-3 hour bag, the all-day bag, and don't even get me started on the overnight bags.....our whole house is pretty much packed up if we have to stay anywhere overnight. Which is why on Friday when I was packing our bags for the zillionth time, I wasn't nearly as excited as I should be for a weekend away at the lake. One of Terry's friends generously invited us out to their cabin for the weekend and all I could think of was....I just want to stay home.

But I would have missed out on one of the best weekends of the summer. We did all of the fun summer things one should do at the lake. Lucas played on the beach for two days straight. We had a fire and made smores. I went waterskiing for the first time since I was 12 (and got up on my first try.....applause please). I solidified my summer tan. It was an awesome weekend. A perfect way to say goodbye to summer. I know summer isn't over and the whole month of September is usually awesome for weather, but I'm calling it. My summer is over tonight. I just can't take any more fun!!!!

The whole month of August has been a complete blur. Chock-full of family get-togethers and events and much welcome company. But I am really looking forward to the routine of September. I am back full-time at work and I will miss Lucas and Eli terribly (as I do every day I work), but the routine of it all is comforting.

But they will be home with their Dad!!! Terry is taking the last 3 months of my mat leave and staying home with the boys. I'm so excited for Terry to have some time at home with his sons. I also think it will give him a deeper appreciation for what I did the whole time I was at home with them and how difficult it can be at times. But also how great.

Update on my quest for a better playground in our neighborhood:

I hoped to have 100 signatures on my petition for a preschool play structure to present at the community association meeting at the end of this month. Summer got in the way and I was only able to go out once to collect signatures. But 25 signatures in an hour isn't bad. I had 25 yeses and only one no. I may or may not be holding a grudge against my neighbor who didn't want to sign....we'll see how neighborly I will be if she ever comes over to borrow a cup of sugar. Just kidding. I hope to get out soon to collect more signatures, and I am still waiting to hear back from my city councilor and president of the community association. So far so good!!

The Beginning of Something Positive

As you may have read in my last post, my Grandpa recently passed away at the age of 92. Sitting at his funeral, and listening intently to the eulogy my aunt and uncle had prepared, it really hit home for me how much my Grandpa must have done for his small community of Harris, SK. It was very inspiring to hear the list of committees and boards he sat on and events he was involved in, and I'm sure I only know the tip of the iceberg. He went on to become a MLA of Rosetown-Biggar for four years, and had the opportunity to serve alongside Tommy Douglas. One of the highlights of his career was voting in universal heath care in Saskatchewan. Isn't that amazing?!?!?

Hearing about all he did for Harris gave me the impression that by living in a small community, a person becomes more invested and committed to making the place you live better.

It got me thinking about what I can do in my community. Saskatoon is no small town. Would anyone even notice? Is that the point? Where do I even start? I want to start making small but positive changes for my community but what can I do? I work full time and have a family, will I even have time for this?

I have been thinking about this ever since my grandpa's funeral. Then today an opportunity arose.

Our family recently moved to a new area of Saskatoon. We were very excited to learn that there is a neighbourhood pocket park being constructed right on our block. Around the corner from our house! I imagined taking my two preschool aged boys to the park after supper on summer evenings to tire them out before bedtime and meeting other young moms in my neighbourhood who were doing the same.

And then all of my park dreams were dashed. Today we saw the playground equipment that is being put in. It is a giant blue octopus for climbing and hanging with space saucers for swings. Nothing in the playground is appropriate or useable for pre-school or young elementary kids. No slide, no swings. Have you ever heard of a park without a slide or swings? I haven't. This was the first park of it's kind I had seen anywhere, why did it have to be in my neighbourhood?!?!

This made me angry but it also made me want to do something. I went home and did a little research on the City of Saskatoon website. In the Park Development Guidelines for Neighbourhood Pocket Parks, it specifically states that play structures are intended for preschool aged children. I want my preschool park!!!

Consider this my first step into the ring of community involvement:

I am going to petition the city to change the existing play structure to something more suitable for preschoolers.

Now I need a plan of action. I don't normally do things like this. In fact, I have never done anything like this. Sure I have coached a few community soccer teams in my day, but nothing like this. Do others in my community share the same view? I know there are a lot of very young families in my neighbourhood. I think a good place to start is petitioning my neighbours. I just hope they don't think of me as the annoying, crazy park lady from down the street!

This is the beginning of something positive. Even if I fail it will be a journey. I want to be active in my community and this is a great starting point. If anything it will be a way to meet my neighbours (even though they may not want to talk to me after they realize that I AM the crazy park lady from down the street). Can you make New Year's resolutions in July? Of course you can.

My resolution is to do positive things for my community. This is different from just being a positive, happy person. It is about taking action by doing. I hope to volunteer for my community association. Find out ways that families in my neighbourhood and others in Saskatoon need help and how to fit it all in to my already busy life. I want to do things big and small and recruit others along the way that will inspire me to continue.

In what ways do you get involved in your community? Any tips or ideas for others looking to get involved?

If you would like to sign my online petition to show your support for a more appropriate play structure, please click here.

Grandpa Stevens

My Grandpa passed away yesterday. He would have been 92 this August.


Grandpa was a great guy and will be truly missed. I have fond memories growing up of going out to Harris, SK to Grandma and Grandpa Stevens house. If you were lucky, Grandpa would take you for a ride on his riding lawnmower, or take you for an evening drive through the sand hills to see all of the white-tailed deer. He loved his grandchildren, and I am fortunate that he got to meet Lucas and Eli.

He was a smart, well-spoken gentleman. He would have loved to attend university but never had the opportunity to do so, having to stay at home and work on the farm. Grandpa was always happy to hear about our achievements at school, and encouraged us all to further our education.

Grandpa was elected MLA of Rosetown and served from 1960-1964. He sided with the NDP, and many times when I have been unsure of who to vote for, I have voted NDP just for Grandpa.

I went up to the hospital the day before he passed away, not knowing how soon he would be gone. He was no longer the strong, sharp guy I knew. I held his hand and told him how much we all loved him and how proud of him we are. I told him that he should be so proud of his family and all of his grandchildren. He wasn't able to speak to me, but he squeezed my hand and wiped a tear from his eye. Something that I will always remember.

In the days to come, I am looking forward to hearing many stories about my Grandpa from my aunts, uncles and relatives. He did a lot for his community and his family, and should be very proud of the life he lived.

SUMMER

We like the things that summer brings.

It brings the sun. It brings the heat. It brings the things we like to eat.



I LOVE SUMMER. I love how hot it is outside. I love that we can go to the spray park almost every day. I love not having to wear black pants to work on a + 30 day. Ha!

We have been spending our mornings outside at the park or at the pool, and then home for a popsicle, lunch and a nap. What a wonderful way to spend a summer day. I never want July to end!

Misson Impossible: Leaving the house

Our daycare is closed this week, so on the days I was at work, Terry was home with the boys. It was heaven. Grabbing my bag and walking out the door by myself those two mornings was wonderful. No daycare bag, no carseat, no kids. I listened to my own music in the car, and not Baby Beluga for the millionth time.

I think maybe those two days got me off my A-game because leaving the house this morning to go to the spray park was a complete and total disaster. Every day I am at home I try to sit down and read the paper while I eat breakfast. I am only successful maybe 1 out of every 10-15 times. This morning there was a milk accident and a still-tired grouchy baby so it was grabbing bites in between cleaning up and trying to get Lucas to eat his breakfast, which is more the usual.

Then the marathon to get out the door began. Frantically running from room to room trying to grab our swim gear. Dressing the boys in their matching summer outfits from their Grandma. Packing up sunscreen, bugspray, snacks, towels, hats, changes of clothes, diapers, etc and knowing that I am definitely forgetting something. Convincing Lucas that his Boppy (blanket) needs to stay at home. Terry calling as we are just about to lock the door. And all the while trying to juggle an extremely squirmy, active baby. By the time we are out the door, I am frazzled and frustrated. Need. Coffee. Now.

Once we were on the road it was smoooooooth sailing. As we were waiting in the drive-thru line for coffee, I spotted a girl probably in her early-ish twenties walk out of Tim Hortons with her iced coffee, happily chatting on her phone as she was getting into her cute little car. Perfectly styled hair, cute summer outfit and all. Probably off to meet her friends for a day of shopping or a casual summer walk by the river (totally making this all up in my head).

THAT USED TO BE ME.

Not going to lie.......I felt a twinge of jealousy that she seemed so carefree and independent. Those days are over for me, at least for a while. But I wouldn't trade her places. Not for a second. I know there will come a time when my kids are older when I will be able to leave the house alone again. And when that day comes, I will long for the days of listening to endless Baby Beluga in the van, and hearing Lucas beg to take his Boppy along for the ride.

Goodbye House

DISCLAIMER: This post is mostly for my benefit. So in a few years, I can look back and remember our first family home. This post is cheesy. Sentimental. And probably not very interesting if you are anyone other than me





This is my house. Except it is no longer my house. Just the house I have been living in for the past 4 or so years. When Terry and I moved in we looked like this:

So young....so naive. Hahaha. I remember very clearly when Terry and I were dating (and I may or may not have been trying to convince him to propose....) I told him that just because you are married doesn't mean you need to buy a house and have a bunch of kids right away. But once I had that ring on my finger I knew I had him trapped and my evil plan was successful. MUWAHAHAHA. (Evil laugh). Not even four years later we have a house and two kids.

Today, as we leave our house, we look like this:

Older. Tired-looking. Two kids in tow.

I am sad to leave our first family home. Not sad enough to stay mind you, but sad that we are leaving behind a great home with lots of wonderful memories. As I walk through our empty house from room to room I am reminded of all we are leaving behind.


This is the first room you see when you walk into our house. Our dining room is where we held all of our family dinners and set up our Christmas tree. But more often that that, this room was used for walking laps around the dining room table with tired babies in our arms, trying to put them to sleep. I'm sure Terry and I logged at least a thousand laps each.


Our kitchen (a.k.a. Amber's cupcake factory). I loved our kitchen, except for one thing. No room for a kitchen table!! I am very much looking forward to sitting around the table for many family suppers in our new house.

Our sunroom. The home of many late night gossip sessions with the soccer girls and countless summer suppers. It was so awesome to be able to have friends over in here and not have to worry about being loud and waking up the kids.



Backyard. A wonderful, finished, very private backyard. One of the things I will miss most as our new house presently looks out onto a pile of dirt. Home to backyard soccer games, ladder golf and summer afternoons in the paddling pool.


Family room. This is where we spent 90% of our time in this house. This picture was taken when we were trying to sell our house so there are no toys in sight. Usually this room is filled with the bright colors of kids toys and there are toy cars and teddy bears strewn everywhere. Just how I like it! There are too many good memories in this room to name. This is where Lucas took his first steps, where I nursed and nursed and nursed my babies while watching afternoon TV, where we were when we watched Canada win Olympic hockey gold and where important late night conversations were had between Terry and I.


As they say on MTV Cribs....this is where the magic happens. Mostly the magic of watching Sesame Street and Super Why at 7 am when Lucas crawls into our bed for morning snuggles. And the magic of watching Lucas give his little brother Eli tummy pats and head rubs and kisses as they lie there together. Not the magic you are thinking of....minds out of the gutter!!!


Lucas' big boy room. It was so fun to see how excited Lucas was to start sleeping in his 'big brother bed' once we knew Eli was on the way. A room that brings memories of bedtime stories, tea parties, and looking out the window holding Lucas and watching the garbage truck come by in the morning. The highlight of Lucas' day! There were a few times (okay more than a few!) where I could hear the sound of little feet getting out of bed to play instead of sleep. When I came upstairs to tell Lucas to get back to bed, all I could see was a flash of white blanket zooming across the hallway headed into our room. Sneaky little guy.


This is the room I will be the saddest to leave. This house, and this room, is where I brought my babies home. It is where I spent a lot of sleepless nights looking out the window, swaying my babies to sleep. Nursing and nursing and nursing in that chair. Looking in on my sweet babies fast asleep in their crib. Rocking and cuddling and trying to remember each tiny thing about my little guys because I knew that those first days and weeks would be so fleeting. Staring at their little faces and little feet and little hands in amazement and awe. Crying tears of frustration when things weren't going smoothly, and more often tears of absolute unbridled joy that I am so incredibly fortunate to be their Mom.

Goodbye house.

GAH!!!!

Where do I even begin......

We sold our house. And then we were homeless for a few stressful weeks and then we found a house and now we aren't homeless anymore. That's all. Oh and I started a new job somewhere in there. Oh and Eli started at daycare. Oh and I need a new van because mine got rear ended and then written off.

GAH!!!!

Moving is stressful and I am never doing it again. And by never I mean until I forget about how much this sucks right now. I am happy we are moving, don't get me wrong. It is time to leave this house and move on to something more suitable for our current lifestyle. It's the whole process of actually moving that sucks bigtime. Checking MLS every hour, looking at houses every evening, signing important documents, being on the phone with our realtor five or more times in a day, making big decisions, thinking about how long it will take to pay off our mortage. Those are the things I wish I could avoid.

Sidenote: I tend to watch shows on T.V. that mirror what I am going through in my life at the moment and right now I am all about HGTV and real estate shows. Million Dollar Listing is a favourite of mine (you know...because I can completely relate to being upset that my house went for 9.2 million instead of the 10.4 I had it listed for....). Anyway, one bazillionaire had a concierge dude that flew into Malibu to do all of that stuff for him and just buy him a house. I need one of those.

I am really excited to be in a new house, in a different neighborhood. We love our neighborhood right now, and it has been perfect for us thus far. But our needs are changing, and a new school, being close to the soccer centre and having tons of young families around is going to suit our needs much better for years to come. No pressure to spend your lives at the soccer centre boys......although Lucas' left foot is looking very promising for a future soccer star. Just saying....

My new job is WONDERFUL. I work with a lot of people I used to work with from my old job who had gone on to bigger and better things and now I am one of those people! We fill prescriptions for correctional institutions in Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Alberta. I am working two days a week right now, which is manageable. Eli is doing wonderfully at daycare. Taking a bottle and being good I hear, which takes away a lot of the stress of starting a new job when he is still so little. Hopefully as time goes on I will be able to streamline my morning routine a little. Getting up at 5:30 and feeling rushed to make it to work by 8 is a little ridiculous.

I have been totally slacking on my blog. Sorry guys. As you can see, things have been a bit nuts and I am lucky if I have any time at all to sit down on the computer. You would think that if there is a lot going on I would have tons to blog about!!

When it rains it pours

My. Life. Is. Crazy.

Why on earth does it seem like there is a lot of very important stuff going on over here and it is all at once???

We are in the process......the annoying, on your toes, at the ready to leave your spotless house any moment process.....of selling our house. Anyone who has ever sold a house knows what I am talking about. And if you are trying to sell a house with kids living in it.....good luck. I am constantly running around from room to room trying to put everything back in it's place. Meanwhile there is a little mess-maker following behind me making messes of everything I have just cleaned up. Not that I blame him....I'm sure little boys are somehow hard-wired to see a perfectly clean room and want to take out every toy and tiny object and leave them all over the floor.

We won. Terry and I finally came out victorious in the bottle battle with Eli. Thank you to my sister-in-law Deena for the wonderful advice about the Playtex Drop-ins. They are the only ones that worked!! I CAN HAVE A LIFE AGAIN. Insert sigh of relief here. Not that I want to be gallivanting all over town every night, but it is comforting to know that I can leave him and at least he will be fed. That Medela breast pump has been worth it's weight in GOLD I tell ya.

Along with all of this craziness, it was Terry's 30th birthday last week. 30th birthdays are like New Years Eve. You feel the pressure to do something extra special just because it's your 30th birthday and not your 29th or 31st. Our life is too crazy for any extravagant parties right now. Besides, Terry is not at all an extravagant party kind of guy. Myself on the other hand....well let's just say I might be celebrating my 30th birthday for the whole month of October. I'm sure there will be numerous gifts bought for myself (because you know.....I deserve it....) and a few nights out on the town juuuuuust to make sure I got enough partying in before I turn 30.

Anyway back to Terry.....we celebrated with a simple date night out just the two of us. Thank you ONCE AGAIN to my wonderful parents for their babysitting services. Terry likes gifts that he can actually use or that he really "needs". (Another area where we are very different. What do you mean I don't actually NEED another pair of heels/new jeans/a bunnyhug/more Lululemon??? Aren't those needs??). So I got him a new bike. Something he will use every day in the summer to bike to work and something that he really does need.

Happy 30th Terry!!

Boys

A lot of my close friends know that I have had a girl's baby name picked out since before I even thought about getting pregnant. No boy's name came to mind, only a girl's name. For some reason I dreamed about having a little baby girl, shopping for cute little stylish outfits and playing dolls and dress up all day.

When I was pregnant with Lucas, Terry and I decided to find out the sex of our baby via ultrasound. At our first ultrasound the radiologist said that they couldn't tell very well, but that the baby looked like a girl. He advised us not to paint our walls pink since he wasn't 100% sure, but from what he could tell the baby looked like a girl.

Wrong, dude.

So what did I do? I could not help but purchase a few of the cutest little girl outfits that I had walked by so many times. I psyched myself up that we were having a girl, even though I knew it wasn't for sure.

Next ultrasound came and the technician told us that we were definitely having a boy and this time she is %100 sure. Terry and I both got in the car afterwards and said "A boy???? Huh???" WE WERE NOT AT ALL DISAPPOINTED......it was just that we did not know what to do with this information. I programmed my brain into thinking that I was having a girl, and I could not process that there was a little boy in there. An amazing, wonderful, perfect little boy.

When we found out we were pregnant with Eli, we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Because you know what, it just didn't matter. We (of course) absolutely fell in love with Lucas, and fell in love with playing trucks and dinosaurs and everything that comes along with little boys.

I think some people assume that because I had my girl name picked out, that I am somehow disappointed with two little boys, or that I will always long for a girl. Just recently I got asked if we were going to have a third child and "try for a girl". I don't feel done with two, and I'm sure we will probably go for three, although definitely not for a few years at least!!! If we do decide to try and have another baby, it will not be because the first two times around I didn't get what I wanted. It will be because I feel like three is the right number for us. Whether that is three little boys or two boys and a girl, it just won't matter.

This brings to mind a blog by a friend of mine on creating the "perfect family". You have no idea what your "perfect family" is going to be, and it may be entirely different from what you had planned. I know now that I was meant to be a mom of these two wonderful boys. And I wouldn't trade this life for all of the girls in the world.

Bedtime Stories

Bedtime is my favourite time.

And not because I finally get my kids out of my hair and have some time to myself. Ok well maybe it is about that just a little bit.....but mostly because I love actually putting them to bed. I love love love seeing my littlest Eli drift off to sleep in my arms, and cuddling him for a few extra minutes just to make sure he's asleep. There is really nothing more beautiful than a sleeping baby. I don't give two hoots if I am spoiling him and run the risk of him not being able to fall asleep on his own down the road. He is only this little once, and I am going to rock him and feed him to sleep as much as I damn well like!

And Lucas....is so much fun. Reading bedtime stories to him is one of my greatest joys. Some of the books we read are ones that my Mom and Dad read to me when I was little and they are still just as good. Our faves right now:

The Monster at the End of This Book - featuring lovable, furry old Grover. An old fave.

Little Owl Lost - by Chris Haughton. A new purchase, and so good!

Llama Llama Misses Mama - by Anna Dewdney (a gift from Auntie Amy!)

But No Elephants - by Jerry Smath. Another old fave.

Put Me In The Zoo - by Robert Lopshire

Richard Scarry's Best Mother Goose Ever. This book is so worn out from being read to me and my sister and brothers over and over and over.

However, Richard Scarry's Mother Goose has some questionable nursery rhymes. For example:

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself,
And all the bread and cheese I got I laid up on the shelf;
The rats and the mice, they made such a strife,
I had to go to London to buy me a wife.

The streets were so bad and the lanes were so narrow,
I was forced to bring my wife home in a wheelbarrow.
The wheelbarrow broke and my wife had a fall,
Down came wheelbarrow, little wife and all.

Buy me a wife?? Little wife and all?? Hmmmmm. We just skip those ones.

Another favourite of mine from when I was little is "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang". I picked that one off the bookshelf the other night to read it to Lucas and I didn't remember that there were guns and knives and bad guys in that story. Guns in a kid's book???? My how times have changed.

Lucas was kicking me as I was putting his pyjamas on tonight, and I threatened him with no bedtime stories if he kicked me again....then realized I would be disappointed if I didn't get to read him any stories. Thankfully it worked and we both went to bed happy.

What are your favourite kids books that Lucas and I should add to our repertoire?

Grateful

Yesterday as I was coming home and unloading the kids out of the van, our neighbour who I haven't seen in a while was coming up the sidewalk with his dog. He is normally a very jubilant and spirited guy, but yesterday I noticed right away that he was speaking quieter and walking slower than usual. I asked him if he and his wife were spending a lot of time up at the lake this winter, since I haven't seen him out in a while. He said "No....we don't go anywhere anymore, not since I have been sick. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October." My heart sank and I didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry to hear that" didn't seem like enough. We chatted a little longer before parting ways and I said "Nice to see you out, talk to you again soon". "I hope so" he said......

Ugggggh. That is so horrible.


I know this post is very cliché....living life to the fullest and seize the day and all of that....but I don't care.

When I came inside and had a chance to tell Terry what had happened, we had a discussion about how incredibly fortunate we are that we are healthy, and our families are healthy, and how much we take it all for granted.

It reminded me of a quote I had taped to one of my binders in highschool that I thought I would share: (It is kind of highschool-themed....but you get the jist)

Life isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all. It isn’t about who you’ve kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It’s not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it’s not about your grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life isn’t just about that.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about how you feel about yourself. It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion. It’s about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It’s about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life is about.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a warm house and a loving partner. A family that is always there for me, whether it be on the phone or down the street. Two wonderful little boys. I am thankful for all that I have and the opportunities that have been presented to me in my life.

So now I am at a loss. What do you do for a neighbour who has cancer? How can I help?

A Love Letter

To my Two Little Valentines,

You make me so happy and I love being your mom.

Lucas you are the sweetest big brother and such an amazing two year old. You love holding Eli and sharing your toys with him, even though he is not quite big enough to play yet. You are already protective of your little brother and when he cries you tell Mommy to pick him up. You even share your most prized possession, your boppy (blanket). Now that is love.

Lately you have been noticing that Mommy wears rings on her fingers. I told you that Daddy gave Mommy her rings because Daddy loves Mommy. Now whenever you see them you say "Mommy's rings, Daddy loves Mommy." So sweet. I have always told you that you are Mommy's sweetheart, and that I love you so much and now you are staring to tell me you love me so much. It melts my heart every time.

Eli you are growing by leaps and bounds every day. You are getting more and more cuddly and you love love love when someone holds you and bounces on the exercise ball. Your little baby coos and first smiles are so special, and I just want to bottle you up and keep you this little. On the other hand, you have started smiling at your big brother, and I almost can't wait to see you get older and start playing together.

Happy Valentine's Day Eli and Lucas,

Love Mom

Step class valedictorian

I am starting to feel like a human being again, and not just a walking milk truck. Getting out of the house is definitely helping and I am really loving my exercise class at the field house. The trouble with exercise like this is that it's not a competition. At least it's not supposed to be!

To borrow some words from Heather Armstrong of dooce.com:

This is hard for me because I want to be the valedictorian of spin class. And valedictorians? They are not mature. They are masochistic and self-punishing and total right out dumbasses. I was on the bike right next to the real leader of spin class: a woman who has eight kids and still manages to do two spin classes back to back at least three times a week. And even in that second class everyone is looking at each other like, "Did that woman eat Superman sandwiches for breakfast?" Forget the back to back spin classes. She has eight kids. She wins right there.

For some insane reason I am trying to be valedictorian of my step class. I find myself looking around making sure that I am working harder than almost everyone else. I say almost because.....let's be serious for a minute......my baby is 7 weeks old and I am just not in any kind of shape at all to be trying to keep up with some of these women. But for some reason I have to make it into a competition. When my arms and legs just can't take anymore, I find comfort in the fact that almost everyone is taking a rest, so it's OK for me to take one too. Step class is not a race. There is no prize for "best stepper" or "most reps". I know it's dumb.

I blame soccer.

I think it's good to have a little healthy competition in your life. The "my baby did this faster than your baby" type of competition? NOT HEALTHY.....or very nice.

I can't begin to describe the positive impact of playing competitive sports has had on my life. I think it is much easier or more natural for guys to become involved in sports when they are young. For whatever reason, whether it's playing sports isn't cool, or girls are more afraid of getting out of their comfort zone and looking stupid for trying, it just is not the same with girls. I am so thankful for all that sport has given me. That I have made life-long friends with my teammates. That I will always be physically active in some capacity because it has been instilled in me from years of training that it feels much better to be fit. And of course I met my husband by playing soccer!!! I would not be the same person without this important aspect of my life, and that is where my need to compete comes from.

If for some reason neither one of my boys is interested in sports I will be incredibly sad. I will begrudgingly accept it, but I will still be sad! Watching them play sports (hopefully soccer) is one of the experiences I am most looking forward to as my kids get older. I know everything that sport has given me, and I wish it for them as well. I think that is really what every parent wants. The happiness and joy they experienced in their childhood for their own kids, only more of it.

Can I write a post in 9 minutes?

We'll see.

That is how much time I have before I should wake Lucas up from his nap. I fear we will be venturing into 'no nap' territory sometime soon. The other day I tried (unsuccessfully) to put Lucas to bed for a nap for almost 2 hours. Sometimes I have to remember to step back from the situation and really think about how important what I am trying to do is. (I'm pretty sure that last sentence broke all kinds of grammar rules). No one died because Lucas didn't have a nap. In fact he was perfectly well behaved the rest of the day. This is what made me scared that soon he will not be having naps. Which isn't entirely bad because I won't be confined to my house for the afternoon all the time.

Time is up. Turns out one paragraph takes me 9 minutes. And now it is two days later....when I have finally had time to sit at the computer again.

When you have more than one child you learn fast that not everyone is going to get their needs taken care of immediately. The ability to multitask is a required skill, and if you don't know how to do it already, you will learn to in order to survive. You have to plan about 5 steps ahead, knowing that you only have a limited amount of time before Sesame Street is over or before a soother will no longer do the trick. All of this multitasking causes my brain to go into overdrive and sometimes I need to remember to slow down and just be in the moment. The other day I put in a movie for Lucas to watch while I fed Eli, grabbed my house phone to talk to my sister while I fed him and my cell phone to check my email. When I finally sat down to feed Eli I realized the insanity of all this running around and just sat and enjoyed. I listened to Lucas tell me all about the characters in his movie and what was going to happen next, and stared at Eli in amazement that I have this wonderful baby in my arms that will grow way too fast.

If I don't leave the house at least once I day I start to go stir crazy. So far this winter I have managed to still leave the house once a day, but we are running out of stuff to do!! I have no problems finding things to do on the days when Lucas is at daycare, but finding a fun activity for a 2 year old to do while I cart a newborn around is becoming a challenge. So far we have been hitting up the library and the play areas at both Lawson and Market Mall. I love those play areas. I can sit and watch from a close distance while Lucas runs around and burns off some energy. Any other great ideas to keep us entertained??? Preferably ones that are free/cheap??

New Year's Grinch

Day 4 of not being projectile vomited on....let's hope the streak continues.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. In fact, I am a New Year's grinch. Going out for New Year's Eve is always more trouble than it is worth and expensive to boot. Terry and I happily spent New Year's Eve at home and toasted with champagne at midnight. Terry asked me what I want to do this year - what I want to accomplish. I guess resolutions are just things you want to accomplish in the coming year, so maybe I'm not completely against them.

This year I would like to sell our house and get one that is more suitable for our family. These boys are going to need space to run or they are going to drive their mom crazy. There is nothing wrong with our house, it's just that we were not thinking of kids when we bought it. At the time, the market was just starting to get crazy and there was not much to choose from. So from the houses we looked at, this one was cream of the crop and we were lucky to get it. No regrets there, it's just that we have outgrown this space and need one that is more suitable for us. So in order to accomplish this one, we have a bit of work to do to get our house ready to sell. Not sure where we are going to find the time, but we have to!!

The other thing I would like to happen this year is a change in my career path. This isn't something I have a whole lot of control over. This past year at work was really a struggle but I have put it behind me and now I'm looking ahead. I don't want to think about going back to work anytime soon, but I will have to at some point this year. No matter what happens I know (or have high hopes!) it will be an improvement over my prior situation so that is something to look forward to.

Losing weight is everyone's resolution. It just happens to be that I had a baby in December and now in the New Year I am ready to get back into working out. I love to exercise. I love pushing myself and feeling good after a hard run or soccer game. I know I am going to struggle to find time to exercise. It's not an excuse, it's just an adjustment I am going to have to make. I am going back to soccer this weekend and starting Bellies and Buns with Baby at the Field House next week as well. I am really looking forward to both!! I loved that class at the Field House on my first mat leave with Lucas, and soccer is just an excuse to get out and hang out with the girls. Hopefully Eli will take a bottle so I can get to as many games as possible.

Christmas was fantastic. My sister came home from Vancouver and stayed with us for 10 days and was a tremendous help. Lucas misses his buddy Auntie Amy. When I win the lottery I think I'm going to hire her as our live-in nanny!! Don't worry Ames I will get you your own guest house. We were back and forth between here and my parent's house all week and it was so nice to get together with our family. I think I was a bit stressed out just trying to leave the house with everything in order and trying to keep Eli happy and fed. I'm sure I was a bit snappy or short-tempered at times, and for this I apologize (Amy and Mom this is mostly directed at you!). I have to try and not let the little things bother me or I'll go crazy before the year is over. So Amy, thank you so much for all of your help. And to Mom and Dad for hosting us so many times over the holidays. In fact that thank you should be an ongoing one for the tremendous amount of help with both Eli and Lucas all the time.

Eli is doing great. His eyes just melt my heart and I forgot what it was like to have a baby fall asleep in my arms and cuddle in to my chest. I am so incredibly fortunate to have two healthy, wonderful boys. I just might need to be reminded of that during the trying moments that are sure to come this year.