Super Amber

OK so I kind of feel like a superhero today.....

Today was the first day (and only day until January) that I am entirely on my own. Terry is at work for a few days this week, leaving me to tackle taking care of two kids on my own for the first time.

I'm not sure what possessed me to schedule my first outing with two kids on my first day alone with them at home, but everything turned out alright. I ventured out today to see my friends at work and get some groceries for Christmas Eve dinner. Leaving the house with a newborn and a two year old in the wintertime is a marvelous accomplishment. For those of you with more kids who manage to leave the house from December to March....not sure how you do it. I think today was a fluke of nature, because none of the following happened while I was trying to leave the house:

-A wrestling match trying to put Lucas' jacket on (thankfully this has only happened a handful of times)
-Eli spitting up everywhere
-Seeing Lucas' poop face after I just put on all of his winter gear
-Forgetting an important item inside the house and realizing just as I get into the van
-A meltdown because a certain blanket is not allowed outside the house

These things are bound to happen, I'm just thankful none of them did today.

I would like to thank the following for helping me accomplish my first outing alone:

1. My iPhone. For entertaining Lucas while I am loading up Eli into the van and also while waiting in the drive thru line at Tim's. No matter what Terry says, you were certainly a worthwhile investment.

2. David from Safeway for taking my groceries out to my van.

3. Most of all, my two wonderful boys who were so well behaved while I got groceries.

Now both boys are having an afternoon nap. I should really be ironing, washing my floor, doing my dishes, vacuuming, etc etc etc. Relaxing on the computer while watching What Not to Wear seems like a good use of my time.

Looking forward to many more outings like today, but trying not to get too cocky.....I know not everyday will go as smoothly!!

Over and out....Merry Christmas.

Baby Eli

Eli John Terry Fusco was born December 11th, 2010 at 11:36 am. Weighing 9 lbs 5 oz, 21 inches long.

These past couple of days have been a complete whirlwind. My doctor made the decision to induce me on Friday, since Monday would have put me 2 weeks over my due date of November 29th. I went into the hospital Friday morning and they gave me Cervidil and sent me home to wait to go into labour. I started having contractions around 3 pm or so and at 8 pm we made the decision to go to the hospital. This delivery was completely different than Lucas. Things were very slow going this time and they really had to try a lot of things to get him to come out. The contractions were manageable at this point and when I had my last one right before my epidural kicked in at 3:30 am I thought I had felt the last of the pain I was going to feel from delivery. I was sadly mistaken. They broke my water at about 5 to get things going and when that still wasn't moving things along they gave me some Syntocin to make my contractions stronger. At this point I was still at around 5-6 cm and had been like that for hours. At about 11 am I started feeling very painful contractions only on one side, and when I told the nurse I could feel them she wasn't too concerned. She checked me and I was 9 cm. I think this sent her into a bit of a panic because she started grabbing stuff and moving things around. All of a sudden I had two really painful contractions and then PAIN LIKE I WAS GOING TO DIE. Earlier in the morning Terry and I had heard a woman down the hall sounding like she was in obvious pain and we were both glad I was not that lady. I was worse than that lady. I have never screamed so loud in my life. I told the nurse I had to push. I guess there was no doctor in the room (I pretty much blacked out at this point....so I had no idea), so she told me not to push. Too bad lady. The resident got there just in time and after 3 pushes he was out.

I was not expecting the pain at all and I think that's what made it so much worse. With Lucas, I didn't feel a thing and was expecting the same thing this time around. I felt everything. I know what all of you natural birth superheros are saying in your heads right now (Boooo hooo.....I felt every contraction right until the end) but I had no intention of being a superhero.

9 lbs 5 oz. The exact same as Lucas. We grow 'em big over here at the Fuscos.

Today he is great. Yesterday was absolutely terrible. In the hospital I got a few stretches of uninterrupted sleep while Eli slept in his little basket and I thought "Oh great, this baby won't need to be picked up all the time like Lucas was at the beginning". Again I was sadly mistaken.

Breastfeeding with Lucas was a huge struggle at the beginning. It was incredibly painful for almost 6 weeks. I really, really, really did not want to go through that again with this baby. I asked every nurse to come in and help me feed Eli while I was in the hospital and things seemed to be going OK. The Healthy in Home nurse came yesterday morning and also gave me some really good pointers. But nothing I tried seemed to be working, and everything hurt. Eli was very unsettled and looking back he was obviously hungry. He was very demanding and cried every time he was put down. He barely slept at all. I cried pretty much all day. I cried because I was overwhelmed that I would not be able to care for two kids. I cried because I was so busy trying to console Eli that I hardly got to be Lucas' Mom at all. I missed him when he was right there next to me in the room. I cried because I love Lucas so much and hadn't yet bonded with this new baby like I had with Lucas. I cried because Terry is an amazing husband and just kept everything going while I was having a meltdown. I cried because I was not going to be able to breastfeed if this is how things were going to be and that made me so sad. Then my milk came in. Last night at about 11 pm feeding Eli finally felt right and comfortable. He has been a completely different baby since then. He sleeps. He slept in his crib last night for 2 almost 4 hour stretches. He cuddles. He is calm and seems happy. Happy baby, happy Mom.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Relief.

I have a good friend who has always been very honest in the struggles she faced when she had her second baby. Why is that the exception to the rule? Whenever you ask a new mom how she is doing, 99% of the time she says "I'm great. Everything is going swimmingly and I love being a Mom." or something to that effect. I would guess we do this because it is a front we feel we have to put on to make it appear as if we know exactly what we are doing and of course we are not having any problems. I thought about this friend a lot yesterday and it really helped me get through the day. Knowing that someone else had felt what I had felt and I wasn't the only one. She sent me a very nice message last night that cheered me up immensely. Thank you!!!

Hopefully this new version of Eli is here to stay. I am very lucky that I have a lot of help and support these first few weeks. January is going to come as a bit of a shock when Terry goes back to work full time but I will try to enjoy and appreciate these first couple of weeks having so much family around. I'm sure there will be times when that feeling of being completely overwhelmed will return, and there will be times when there is so much to do I don't know which kid to look after first, but hopefully I can take everything as it comes. For now I am a happy Mom of two beautiful boys.

Christmas Baking

Well....this baby is taking it's sweet time making it's arrival. Last week Lucas spent some time at daycare so I could "get some rest" before the big event.

I am bad at resting. I get bored easily. As soon as my PVR was empty, and my book was finished (Lisbeth Salander.....I bid you adieu) I was at a loss for what to do. I KNOW that there is always stuff to do in my house (my Mom: Go clean out a drawer or something. Are your windowsills wiped???) but that is neither restful nor enjoyable.

So I resorted to Christmas baking. Not restful but definitely enjoyable. I am taking a cupcake hiatus for Christmas to direct my energy at other baking projects. I have been collecting online recipes and finally had the chance to make some of them.

My baking list:

Peanut Butter Cup Rice Krispie Squares
Marshmallow Crunch Brownie Bars
Sugar Cookie Bars
Peppermint Balls
Coconut Balls
Peanut Butter Kisses Cookies
Butter Tart Squares

A trip to Bulk Barn was definitely in order to get all of the ingredients. YOU GUYS. Bulk Barn is like baker's paradise. Anything you could ever need for baking IN BULK. BULK ICING SUGAR. Awesome. It's probably a good thing that it is so far away from my house. A lot of unnecessary cash would be spent there otherwise.

I tried to pick recipes that weren't too complicated or involved a lot of work. Lots of squares. Pour into a pan, cool and cut. Easy!! No messing around with cupcake tins, or cookie cutters.

So far I have made the PB Rice Krispie Squares, Marshmallow Crunch Brownie Bars, Sugar Cookie Bars and Butter Tart Squares. The butter tart squares were a special request from my sister, and turned out to be my favourite of the things I have made so far.

I wouldn't recommend the marshmallow brownies....the marshmallow layer was problematic and they don't look nice. But they taste good....which should be all that matters.

Terry's one request for Christmas baking was Sugar Cookies. UGGGGGGHHHHHH. Making dough, rolling it out, cutting out cookies, baking them, making icing, then decorating the cookies?? NO THANK YOU. Does not fall into my theme this year of easy, non-time consuming recipes. So I found a compromise. SUGAR COOKIE BARS. They taste just like sugar cookies, with none of the work!!! I would highly recommend them. Recipes below.

Sugar Cookie Bars

1 cup butter (room temperature)
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
5 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp almond extract

Cream butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing after each egg. Add vanilla and mix well. In a separate bowl combine flour, salt, baking soda and stir with a whisk to combine. Add to wet mixture and mix just until combined. Spread into a 13 x 18 pan. I didn't have this big of a pan so I used a 13 x 9 inch pan and an 8 x8 inch pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 10-15 min, until light golden brown or until a toothpick comes out clean (they won't look done so do the toothpick test). Cool completely and frost.

Frosting

4 cups icing sugar
4 tablespoons water
4 tablespoons light corn syrup (this makes the frosting all shiny....just add more water if you don't care about shiny-ness)
1 teaspoon almond extract (or to taste, I probably used 2 teaspoons)

Ta-da!!!

Butter Tart Squares

Crust:
2 cups flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup butter

Filling:
1/4 cup melted butter
4 eggs - lightly beaten
2 cups brown sugar (packed)
1/4 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups raisins (I used golden ones)
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (I used pecans)

In bowl, mix flour with sugar. Cut in butter until crumbly using pastry blender. Press into a 13 x 9 inch pan and bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Filling: In bowl, mix butter with eggs. Blend in sugar, flour, baking powder, vanilla and salt. Stir in raisins and nuts and pour over crust. Bake at 350 for 20-25 mins.



Mmmmmmmmm!!!!

Hopefully I will have time to make the rest of my list this week. But then again....hopefully this baby comes and I won't!!

Dear Lucas

You are two!!!

(Or at least you will be in about 10 days....we had to have your party early because of your new little brother or sister.....hope you don't mind....)

I can't believe you are two. You have grown so fast, too fast for Mom. We had your birthday party yesterday, and Grandma Jackie, Grandpa John, Grandma and Grandpa V, Uncle Lee and Kate all came to celebrate with you. You are such a spoiled little boy and loved by so many. You have everything a little boy could wish for and more. Your favourite gift? A harmonica from your Uncle Lee.

Even though you are a big boy now, you still love cuddles from your Mom and you are such a sensitive little guy. You don't like getting into trouble, and you are sad when Mom and Dad tell you "No". You love love love playing with all of your cars and trucks, and even take a few to bed with you each night. You know all the letters of the alphabet, and you are getting really good at your colors. You are so smart and make Mom and Dad so proud. I know you are going to be a fantastic big brother to the new baby.

My favourite time of the day is when you wake up in the morning and say "Mommmy mommy" and run into my arms when I go into your room. You are the sunshine in my day Lucas, and Mom and Dad are so lucky to have such a special little boy. We love you so much!!! Happy Birthday!!!

Sometimes you just have to make a snowman

Sometimes you can't drop everything and play trucks, you just have to get the dishes done. And sometimes you are too tired to do anything but snuggle on the couch and watch Cars for the 100th time, even though you know there has been too much TV watched today.

But sometimes you have to leave the dishes and the laundry and the vacuuming and just grab your coat and boots to go make a snowman:

Forced Nesting - Chicken Mushroom Rigatoni

That is what I have been doing. Forcing myself to get things done around here in fear that I won't be ready when the baby arrives. Still so much to do!!! Plan a 2 year old's birthday party (sniff sniff.....does 2 mean he isn't a baby anymore????), and clean clean clean clean clean. Thank goodness I have the cooking done.

Are you hearing this??? Cooking and cleaning??? Since when have these ever been important to me?? Soooooooooooo lame.

Anyway, I had a few requests for my Chicken Mushroom Rigatoni recipe. I took this recipe from Canadian Family magazine and adapted it a little bit by adding chicken and mushrooms. I am planning on serving it for Lucas' birthday meal. I wanted to make the main dish ahead of time so I didn't have to stress out too much about supper and I could just relax and enjoy the party.

Chicken Mushroom Rigatoni

1 tsp olive oil
1/2 cup finely chopped shallots (who ever has shallots on hand???? I used an onion.)
1 tbsp minced garlic
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
2 cups soy milk (I used 2% milk)
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper (which is not nearly enough. I am a pepper freak and probably used close to 2 tsp or more)
Pinch nutmeg (hmmm....I just realized I forgot to add that when I made it)
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1 lb rigatoni
4 cups baby spinach (I think they mean fresh, I used frozen and just added some until I thought it looked like enough)
1 cup grated mozza cheese
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
chopped mushrooms - however many tickle your fancy

Preheat oven to 425. Lightly grease 9 x 13 inch pan. Cube chicken breast, and saute it in a large skillet until browned. In a separate frying pan, saute garlic and onion in oil until translucent. Add butter; when it has melted, whisk in flour. Add milk and whisk until smooth. Continue to cook until sauce thickens to the consistency of yogurt. Stir in salt, pepper, nutmeg and Parmesan cheese. Reduce heat to minimum and stir occasionally.

While making sauce, bring large pot of salted water to boil. Add rigatoni and cook for 8 minutes; drain, reserving 1 cup of pasta water. (The pasta will not be fully cooked but not to worry you are baking it in the oven later). Add spinach to pasta pot and top with just cooked pasta. Add sauce and cooked chicken and stir until well combined. Transfer to prepared pan and top with mozzarella cheese. Cover with foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil and bake for an additional 20 minutes.

Delish!

Maybe I will post some of my other recipes from time to time. And by my recipes I mostly mean my mom gave them to me.

Now just to make Lucas' cupcakes. I am going to try my best to keep it simple because......

a) Lucas doesn't care if there are little fondant cars on his cupcakes. He only cares he gets to eat them.
b) I am 9 months pregnant for Pete's sake and cupcakes are the last thing I should be worrying about. Still.....I probably will be going to sleep tonight thinking of ideas.

Home stretch!

5 more weeks to go, 3 more weeks of work. Hopefully I can do it. I remember last time I pushed myself a bit too far and was so exhausted and sore by the time I was done working. I told myself I wouldn't do it again but here I am. I'm starting to retain some fluid, and the doctor says if it gets any worse I will have to be done sooner.

I had also better be done before I start putting someone's life in danger because I have a serious case of baby brain going on. A few of my follies thus far:

1) While staying at Terry's parents for Thanksgiving, Lucas wet the bed. I threw his sheets and PJ's in the washing machine for a quick wash, along with his wet diaper. Don't do that ever. It leaves little white pieces of disintegrated diaper all over everything.

2) I picked up Lucas from daycare last week and looked back at him in his car seat, only socks on his feet. Forgot his shoes at daycare.

3) My daycare lady told me the other day that Lucas came with his pants on backwards that morning. Who is dressing this kid?!?!?

Also, I drop vials and pens at work almost every 5 minutes. Butterfingers.

Terry's cousin remarked that you would think for safety's sake you would get smarter during pregnancy to protect the baby and all that. No such luck over here.

Amber's Apple Pie

I hate making apple pie. Apple pie is the most work of all pies. Well pies that I've attempted anyway. All the peeling and coring and cooking and blah blah blah. Too much work. Pumpkin pie is more up my alley. I volunteered to bring pumpkin pie to Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws and didn't want to make JUST pumpkin pie, I need two pies.

Apple pie is Terry's favourite dessert, and he doesn't even like dessert for the most part. When I met Terry he often had an apple pie in his fridge and thought that a piece of apple pie made for a legitimate breakfast. Just to be clear.....Terry didn't ask me to make him apple pie.....because he knows how much I loathe it. But how can I not when I know it's the only dessert he loves?? This apple pie is his anniversary present from me.

This is how I made my apple pie today. I no longer have the luxury of completing a task from start to finish without long breaks in between.

Amber's Apple Pie (adapted from Gesine Bullock-Prado's "Confections of a Closet Master Baker"):

Makes two double crusted pies. Because if you are going to go to all that work to make pie, why not just make two at once.

For crust: 8 cups all-purpose flour 5 cups cold butter (eeep!....no one said pie is good for you) 2 teaspoons salt (only add if you are using unsalted butter, I used salted butter so I omitted the salt) 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice stirred into 1 1/2 cups cold water Place the flour in a large bowl. Cut the butter in to 1-inch pieces. Add to the flour and incorporate with your hands, pinching and massaging the butter into the flour, making sure to leave discernable chunks of butter intact. Chunks of butter are good. Add the water/lemon juice to the flour and butter and mix gently until dough comes together sllightly. Shape the dough into a rough square and let it rest for 10 minutes.
Play trucks and barn animals while you wait.

On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough into 1/2 inch thick rectangle. Give the dough 3 single turns, followed by one double turn. Cover and refrigerate.

Then Lucas and I went for a walk to the park. I have to remind myself that these times of just him and I are going to become fewer and fewer, so I have to take advantage of these last few months just the two of us. I thought I could also walk to Tim Horton's after the park and maybe to the mall to get a few things I needed, but being 8 months pregnant makes you tired apparently so I had to hop in the van and drive the 2 blocks to the mall. Sad.

That was enough for one morning so Lucas and I laid down for a loooooooong afternoon nap, sleeping together in Mom and Dad's bed. He never sleeps in our bed, so this was a special treat. When we got up, I continued my pie.......

For the filling:

17 apples (I used Royal Gala because they were on sale, but Spartan or Granny Smith would also be fine)
Lemon juice (just enough to toss with the apples so they don't brown while you are spending an eternity peeling and coring and slicing)
1 cup packed brown sugar 1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup all purpose flour 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon cloves 1 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup butter 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup heavy cream

Peel and slice the apples. You actually only need 16 apples for the pies, but another one if you have a little guy like I do that wants to pick up the apples you have peeled and sliced and take a bite out of each one. Sprinkle with lemon juice.

This is probably the part I hate most about making apple pie. It takes forever and it is tedious. So I needed a break after this to cook supper and play with Lucas before I put him to bed. He is SO MUCH FUN right now. I love this age. He still loves his mom and wants me to be with him all the time, and he is talking a mile a minute, pointing out everything he sees.

Combine the sugars, flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves into a large bowl, add the apples and toss to coat. In a sturdy pot large enough to hold all the apples, melt the butter with the vanilla and cream. Add the apples and cook until the fruit is soft and the mixture thickens, about 20-30 minutes. While the apples are cooking, do the dishes and clean up the kitchen because it is probably a disaster right about now. Pick up toys off the floor and check on your buddy to make sure he is sleeping.

To assemble the pie:

Take your pastry and cut into fourths. You should see layers of dough and butter (I didn't see this, which made me really worried that my pies weren't going to turn out). When you roll, you want to press down on these layers. You don't want to lay the cut side down; make sure the layers are parallel to the rolling table and you are pressing the layers down into each other. Roll each piece into a 1o-inch circle. Transfer the first two circles to pie plates and crimp the edges. Freeze for at least a 1/2 hour. Wrap the other 10-inch rounds in plastic and refrigerate until you are ready to assemble the pie.

When you are ready to bake (and have almost lost your sanity from all of this work, and you don't even have any idea if this is going to turn out or not), preheat the oven to 350. Take the frozen pie shell from the freezer and stab the bottom of the shell with a fork a few times. Line the shell with foil or parchment paper and fill it with pie weights or dry beans or rice (so the bottom doesn't puff up like the rest of the crust). Bake until the edges are slightly golden, and the bottom of the shell no longer looks wet and raw, about 15 minutes. This is so the bottom of your pie won't be soggy.

Beat the egg with 1 tablespoon water to make an egg wash. Remove the foil and the weights/rice/beans and transfer the filling to the shell. Place your second dough circle on top of the filling. Brush the top of the dough with the egg wash and sprinkle with sugar. Bake at 350 until the crust is golden brown and the filling is bubbling.

Stand back and marvel that your pies actually turned out. Vow to only make apple pie once a year to save your sanity. Go pass out in bed after your long day of pie baking.

Financial mastermind

I am getting quite concerned that I will not have enough time to watch all the shows I want to this fall. It is Tuesday of week 1 of new shows, and I am already behind!!!!

My life problems are serious.

Last week I went to an expensive maternity and baby boutique (you Saskatooners can imagine which one...there are not many) and tried on some maternity jeans. I had a gift certificate, which I knew wouldn't cover the cost, but I thought it might put a DENT in it at least.

You guys. These jeans were $300.

THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

FOR MATERNITY JEANS.

ONES THAT (hopefully) WON'T FIT YOU IN 6 MONTHS.

Now, there was a time not so long ago when I wouldn't bat an eyelash at spending that kind of money on a pair of jeans. Well maybe I would bat an eyelash, but just one, and then I would charge it to my Visa and forget how much I spent. Problem solved. Did I mention I am still paying off my student loans?

I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. For various reasons I suppose. For one, my husband would probably divorce me. For two, if my mom found out she would remind me that I am "saving" for a new house. So I spent my gift certificate on Sophie the giraffe and a cute sleeper for the new baby instead.

And then I went home and I bought the same jeans on eBay for less than half of what they would have cost. HEY. AT LEAST I AM RESOURCEFUL IN MY OVERSPENDING.

I need more ideas for fall cupcakes. Not pumpkin. Maple of course. What else???

A rainy Lucas and Mom day

We had a great morning today, my buddy and I. Dropped off Dad at work, hit up the Lawson Mall play area, then Sears for some sleepers for the new little one, and then Costco. Lucas put up with me dragging him all over the city in the rain and was a great guy the whole time. I love taking him places, and doing things just him and I. I'm sad that these "Lucas and Mom" days are going to get to be few and far between in the near future, but hopefully that will make them more special.

Lucas' big boy room is all set up and ready to go. Just waiting on him to be excited to sleep in his new bed.......anytime Lucas.....anytime.

I never thought being a mom would change me so much.

Today I signed up to be a potential bone marrow or stem cell donor. If I qualify (all you have to be is healthy!), they will send me a package in the mail to swab my cheek, and then my info goes into a registry awaiting a match. I read an article today in a magazine that talked about all of the different things you can donate to save a life or improve the well-being of someone else. Along with bone marrow and stem cells they talked about donating blood, and donating hair. I thought of Lucas as soon as I put down the magazine. There are kids out there his age that have devastating diseases, and what if all it took to save them was a simple operation or blood transfusion??? What if you could save someone's Mom or Dad just by being a match? Of course I knew there were sick kids before I had kids of my own, but it just doesn't affect you the same way.

If you are interested, visit http://www.onematch.ca/ to get more information.

On my drive to and from work today, I was daydreaming (while paying full attention to the road of course.....) about how work is just a way for me to provide for myself and my family these days. I have never been much of a "career focused" person, and this has become more apparent since Lucas is around. Work is obviously where I spend a lot of my time, but for some reason it just feels like a small part of my life which is becoming less and less significant. I am getting better at not getting worked up about the small annoyances in my day, and to look at the big picture. Which is an accomplishment for me....there are a lot of annoyances as you can imagine!!!!! If I let them all get to me I would have had a serious mental breakdown by now. I think having Lucas has made me a more compassionate person at work and in general.

Popcle?

Lucas has impetigo. It's a contagious skin infection that is only cured with antibiotics. Lucas is horrible at taking antibiotics, and medicine in general. You would think that his Mom the pharmacist would have a magic, painless and cry-free method to give him antibiotics. But there is no such thing. Nothing I have tried yet anyway. He is a smart cookie and can tell when his popsicles/freezies have been tampered with. He's too young to take bribes, and doesn't understand when I say "If you take this you can have a popsicle?" All he hears is "Blah blah blah blah POPSICLE?" And then all I hear is "'Popcle? Popcle? Popcle?

Oh did I mention that he is also getting molars? From the looks/sounds of it those things hurt. Good times over here at the Fusco house. I shouldn't complain about minor illnesses like impetigo and teething. What if he was really sick and had to get needles all the time??? Or (heaven forbid) chemo???? How do those kids do it??? How do their parents do it????

Fall is coming, or autumn if you prefer. Fall means back to school (not for me, wahoooo!!!) and new clothes (not for me.....booooo) and Huskie soccer season, and maple cupcakes and pumpkin cupcakes and cute sweaters and scarves and pretty leaves, and warm coffees, and chili and stew. I heart you, fall.

I am my mother.

Yesterday one of my co-workers asked me how I keep my house in order while working full time. Ha ha ha house in order....how humorous.

For some reason I can only get into 'the zone' to clean my house and get organized at night. Last night I conquered the kitchen at least. I was up late cleaning and going through my pile of papers when I realized: I AM MY MOM.

Growing up, I always remember hearing my mom puttering around in the kitchen late at night. It was comforting knowing she was out there, still awake, keeping all the monsters and bad guys at bay. I guess we are both night owls. Sometimes I will get an email from her and the time reads something ridiculous like 2 am. My guess is that she is up late worrying about her kids. Do the worries just compound on each other with the more kids you have??

My mom and I share a hobby of collecting recipes and never actually making them. Hers are nicely organized in binders and photo albums in her kitchen, mine are websites bookmarked in my internet browser. She promised me that I could have all of her recipes when she dies. Goody.

I can only hope that someday my house will be in showroom condition at all times like my Mom's and I will be able to pull off cooking dinner for 20 without even blinking an eye.

Not a Millionaire Yet

Unfortunately I didn't win the LottoMax jackpot on Friday night so I had to work as planned this weekend.

I despise working weekends.

I never thought about this when I applied to get in to pharmacy. I mean I KNEW that pharmacies are open on weekends and past 5 pm, but I shrugged it off as no big deal. And the hours at my job are pretty good compared to a lot of other pharmacies, which is I guess one of the reasons I am there. Now that I have Lucas (and probably because it's summertime!) it seems like such a waste of valuable time being at work while my family is at home without me.

There have been a lot of changes at my job since I have come back from being on maternity leave with Lucas, and I am struggling to think of something positive that has come as a result. I have learned a lot about myself and what kind of work environment I enjoy this year, and what I need to be happy and fulfilled in my job. There you go, something positive to take from this year, that this has been a learning experience for me. I would feel a lot better about leaving my family at home if I was going to work feeling like I am advancing myself in some way or making a difference for our patients. I used to feel like this at work for the most part, and now that feeling is just gone. My general demeanor at my job has changed, and I feel like I am not providing the best care for our patients as a result. I am really bothered by the fact that I haven't been able to rise above all of these changes and challenges, and just do my job in the same manner that I was able to do before. At least going on maternity leave for baby #2, I can take consolation in the fact that when I go back to work, everything will have changed again, hopefully for the better this time.

Lucas missed his mom this weekend. After work yesterday I had made plans to have dinner with one of my very best friends who I haven't seen in a long time. We needed a good catch-up and it is so hard to squeeze it in with both of us being so busy. When I left the house last night, Lucas was at the screen door, crying his little heart out. I could just imagine what he was thinking. "Mom you have been gone all weekend and now you are leaving again?!?!? But I miss you and I just want to cuddle and play, why do you have to go again???" His sad little face looking out the door just broke my heart.

I told my Mom what happened on the phone when I got home from dinner, and she said that she was on Lucas' side. Huge surprise Mom!!! I am on Lucas' side too. He can blame any emotional problems he suffers in life on his mom leaving him crying at the screen door when he was little.

Too hot to bake

Notice how I haven't made any cupcakes lately? Or anything in the oven for that matter.....

OK I admit I was a little burnt out from making almost 200 mini cupcakes for my cousin's wedding. Not that I regret making them AT ALL, just that can you blame me for not wanting to see another cupcake for a little while?

I feel GUILTY that I have been neglecting my new hobby, and that I haven't tried anything new or exciting lately. My list of new ones I want to try: Cinnamon Toast, Lemon Drop and Chai Tea. Mmmmmmm. Not sure when I am going to get around to doing those, this baby in my belly seems to be taking a lot of my energy, and the one that is up and running around seems to be taking a lot of my time. He's not much of a baby anymore I suppose. Sniff, sniff.....tear, tear....

I have been reading a lot of recipe blogs and websites lately and I want to make everything. I feel like Terry and I cook the same 25 things for supper all the time and I need some new tried and true recipes to add to our rotation. Suggestions welcome!!!

Some of these baking/cooking blogs I have been reading are absolutely amazing. They must blog for a living, because seriously when does a normal person have time to not only bake something amazing once a week, but take pictures of the process and write about it in an interesting way. See my blog list on the side for the ones I subscribe to.

Not only do I want to try new recipes, but I want to have an ARSENAL of amazing baking recipes at my disposal. I don't just want to make blueberry muffins, I want them to be THE BEST *&#*$ BLUEBERRY MUFFINS YOU HAVE EVER TASTED. You can't just search "best blueberry muffins ever" as often the recipes with "best" in the title turn out to be not even "kind of good blueberry muffins". I think the only way to do this is try a zillion recipes until you find one that is awesome. I don't have time for this.

Working is for chumps. I am quitting my job to make amazing things in my kitchen all day. I'm sure Terry won't mind taking on another 3 jobs to pay the mortgage.

Seattle

It's 9 pm and Lucas juuuuuuust fell asleep, after about an hour of me trying to put him to bed. He is still getting back into his routine after our trip to Seattle.

Normally at about 8 pm we read a few stories while he has his milk, I give him a kiss and put him in his crib and say "Goodnight Lucas" and he says "Bye" and then goes to sleep. How wonderful. Of course this routine just didn't magically happen, we had to work at it, but 4 nights away from home has put us back a few steps. So a bit of cuddling in Mom's bed and a few cartoons to get him to sit still and calm down isn't the end of the world.....I guess. Besides, he was such a little trooper during our trip that he deserves a bit of leeway.

I knew traveling with an 19-month old was going to be different than any of the trips Terry and I have taken together before, and I think it went really well. There were definitely some challenges, but all in all Lucas was a great little traveler and I think we came pretty well prepared.

We brought our massive Tonka-truck of a stroller, and even though it is huge and bulky (the Air Canada customer service agents were probably swearing at us under their breath trying to wrap that thing in plastic, which would explain why it came back looking a little worse for wear after our return flight....) it was a necessity and it would have made for a tough trip with just a little umbrella stroller. We have a Quinny Freestyle, probably the one baby thing that we splurged on when Lucas was coming, and already it has been a worthwhile investment. Every morning we would load it up with what we needed for the day and head on out. Lucas would fall asleep in there for his afternoon nap, I could recline him and throw a blanket over top, and voila, afternoon nap without having to go back to the hotel, and two hours of sleep time.

Seattle is a nice city, but not what I expected really. The waterfront is so industrial and just....well not pretty like Vancouver. There is no green space at all downtown. The only time Lucas got to run around in a park was our trip to the zoo. The Pike Place market was amazing. Everything is so fresh. The fruit and fresh fish were delicious! The kids play area at the downtown library, the zoo and the aquarium were Lucas' faves for sure, and great places for kids, but next time I would skip the Children's Museum. I think the highlights for Terry were taking almost every mode of transportation possible. The monorail, the streetcar, the city bus.....super exciting Terry.

For me, I just loved seeing Lucas have a great time. He loved loved loved all the animals at the zoo and the fish at the aquarium. I think he would have jumped right into the starfish tank if we would have let him. He learned a few new words while we were there (notably elevator....which sounds more like eeevvaaaooorrrr? when he says it) and developed a love for buses. Seeing Amy play soccer was also one of my favourite parts, I haven't seen her play in what seems like forever and she had a great game. It is so crazy that we planned this trip not knowing that she had a game in Seattle at the very same time. Couldn't have worked out better.

Of course I did just a little shopping while I was there, but being pregnant helped keep me under control. What is the point of buying clothes that aren't going to fit me in a month anyway??? So instead I took advantage of some maternity stores that we don't have and scored some great deals at Gap Maternity. Pea in a Pod on the other hand was not a great deal, that stuff is crazy expensive!!!! But I got a few lower priced items that will last me through the summer. Maybe this time my pregnancy wardrobe will consist of more than my pink bunnyhug and Lulu pants.

We stayed at the Grand Hyatt Seattle and it was fantastic. I used priceline.com to bid on a hotel room, which I have done once before, and it worked out great again. We got a downtown hotel room for $100 bucks a night, which was about 60 % off of the normal price. I highly recommend it and would do it again in a second. You don't get to pick your exact hotel that you want, you just pick the area and the number of stars for your hotel, and then enter what you are willing to pay.

Air Canada, not so fantastic. This trip was on a tight budget, so we used Air Miles and didn't get to pick our airline. Their planes are old and noisy, and everything was just sub-par compared to West Jet. No TV's to watch World Cup games. Boooooo.

I didn't win the $50 million Lottomax jackpot so I guess it is back to work on Monday.....sigh.

Mee-mo?

I just want to stay home and watch the World Cup all day. I don't feel like I am having a good World Cup "experience" since all of the games are on while I'm at work. I can't wait to know the scores of the games, so when they are replayed later I already know what happened and it's just not the same. Another reason to become a wealthy socialite. I am sure socialites get to stay at home and watch soccer all day. Paris Hilton is probably having a great World Cup experience.

Dudes I am still pregnant. I think Terry is getting quite sick of me saying "Terry you are going to be a Dad of TWO. TWO BABIES" or "Terry there's a baby in my belly". He said to me that he thought I would be less amazed that I am getting a belly and how fast my body changes the second time around. Nope. I forgot. Still don't quite believe it, even though we went for an ultrasound and I have a picture to prove it.

Stop reading now if you are squeamish OR if you are my mom. Ha ha ha....just kidding mom.

Along with a growing belly I also have HUGE BOOBS. Thanks for nothing hormones. Seriously how come they just explode all of a sudden? I had a bra fitting last week because I was busting out of my clothes and I went from a B cup (which I was super happy about, juuuuuuuuuuust right) to a DOUBLE D. The lady said I was borderline triple.......whaaaaaaaaaaat? So dumb.

Lucas is learning words like mad. Copies almost everything we say. I was talking to my mom on the phone and Lucas was pulling random sharp objects out of my cupboards. I said to my mom that Lucas was being a little bugger and immediately "bug-ger????" out of Lucas' mouth. Don't learn that one buddy. Work on please and thank you instead.

Da-do da-do da-do (Lucaspeak for thank you)
Peaz? (Lucaspeak for please)

I am starting to get a little worried about Lucas' Finding Nemo addiction. I needed to get something done (like shower I think) one day and there were no episodes of Sesame Street left to watch, so I found one of the only kids movies I own and popped it in. How was I to know I was creating a monster??? EVERY TIME we go downstairs now, all I hear is "Meee-mo? Mee-mo? Mee-mo?". If I don't put it in, he then goes and finds the DVD, takes it out and tries to jam it in to the DVD player.

TWO BABIES

I AM GOING TO BE A MOM OF TWO BABIES. TWO.

Just for clarification that is Lucas + 1. I still haven't quite come to grips with this concept, and probably won't until I am holding baby #2 in my arms.

We have chosen not to find out the sex of the baby this time around, mostly because I don't feel like I need to know. There is no way I could have waited 9 months to find out if Lucas was a boy or a girl but this one seems different. Boy? Awesome, a brother for Lucas super close in age. They will have a blast together and drive their Mom crazy and never fight. Girl? Fabulous, one of each and I finally get to use my girl name. As long as it is a healthy, non-colicky, good sleeper baby. Fingers crossed.

I am finally beginning to be able to drag myself off of the couch in the evenings. Those first three months were rough. I don't remember this phase when I was pregnant with Lucas, but that could be because I could come home and nap on the couch without someone asking me to play trucks or put a sticker on my nose. A little more nauseous that I was with Lucas, but nothing major. I do not enjoy being pregnant, not even a little. And I don't even have anything to complain about!! I have heard of people having awful pregnancies for the whole 9 months, so I feel guilty that I dislike it. I don't like that my clothes don't fit, I don't like feeling tired all the time and I am really not going to like getting huge. I remember that part quite well.

I gained A LOT of weight with my first pregnancy. I am not sure if it was because I broke my ankle pretty early into it and never really exercised, or if I indulged a little too much, or if it was just having a baby in my belly. I resolved that this time would be different, that I would get as much exercise as I can, eat healthy and do what I can to stay within a normal range. A few problems with this;

#1) I didn't realize (or maybe forgot) that after working for 8 hours, I would have no energy left.

#2) Chips. Why can't I crave carrot sticks, or apples, or milk????? Stupid chips. My nemesis. I shared some chips last night with Terry while we watched Glee and felt so guilty after that I couldn't sleep. Chips, we are done. No more. I don't want to see you again, probably ever. Maybe once a month.

I am a little bit ahead of the game this time because I weigh less that I did when I got pregnant with Lucas, but I DO NOT want to be as big as I was last time. Not sure if I have control over that or not but I guess we will see.

I am trying to enjoy all of the Mom and Lucas time I can before this one comes along and steals some of Lucas' thunder. We had a great time together this morning. Well it didn't start out so great I suppose. Lucas was opening drawers in the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth and fell somehow while shutting one of the drawers and sliced his finger. Poor guy, looked like it hurt. We cuddled and watched Finding Nemo to ease the pain, then went on a trip to the park. You would think from listening to Lucas scream while I was attempting to put a band-aid on that
I was trying to cut his finger off. He forgot all about it after a few swings and slides at the park followed by a mini-picnic with Teddy Grahams and a juice box.

I have had so many thoughts in the first three months that I wanted to blog about but couldn't, and now they are all gone.

This and that.

I am "wasting" away my free afternoon at home without Lucas on the computer. I don't know where all my time has gone lately....well that's a lie I do know....work and soccer. But you can sure tell that I haven't been home much from the state of my house. Got that situation partly remedied yesterday and today. I need a laundry fairy and housekeeper. Probably not in the budget, just a guess. Know any that will work for free??

Lately it seems like I have hardly been spending any time with Lucas, so it was nice to have a day off in the middle of the week for "Lucas and Mom day". Swimming, naps, snacks, playing. After spending almost an entire day giving him my undivided attention, I felt a little less guilty about dropping him off yesterday morning before work so I could vacuum and do a few other errands that have been nagging at me from my to do list for weeks.

I wish there were more "Lucas and Mom" days but there just aren't. I'm sure he wouldn't grow up to be very well-adjusted if I gave in to his every whim and gave him all of his mom all the time, but right now I am not getting to see him as much as I like and it just plain sucks.

Having a full time job and being able to help support your family is a privilege, one that I try not to take for granted no matter how much I don't like going some days. I enjoy being able to feel valued at my job and use what I went to school for, and also have some adult conversation. However, by working full time I am sacrificing some precious time with Lucas, one of the many compromises you have to make as a working mom. Daycare is great for him, he loves it there, and is interacting with the other kids really well. At least that is what I tell myself when I drop him off. I just feel like the balance is a bit off, and if I had the option to work 3ish days a week, I think that would be perfect. Not an option right now.

I was complaining at work that I have barely seen Lucas lately, right after our soccer team had indoor provincials all weekend (which we WON!!! - Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!). A co-worker suggested to me that soon I will probably have to quit soccer so that there is time for Lucas to play soccer (or whatever else he wants to....just know Lucas there is no pressure...none at all....but if you don't play soccer you will never know ice cream or cheese again....no big deal). WHAT!?!? Quit soccer??? I have never heard a more absurd idea in my life. Honestly this did not occur to me until that moment that she is somewhat right. But sacrificing something that lets me exercise and hang out with my friends at the same time will not come easy. Hopefully not at all. Terry was sidelined from the soccer field this indoor season due to an injury, and told me the other night that surprisingly he really hasn't missed it. I am not at that point yet, and I honestly hope that I never am.


I just finished a book that my brother gave me for my birthday, called "Northern Light" set in the 1900's I believe, about a teenage girl living on a farm who's mother passed away. She was left with caring for her 3 sisters and her father, while also pursuing her high school diploma. Mattie is a very talented writer and is torn between the obligation to stay at home and care for her family, or continue with her education. So many things in the book made me grateful for the life I have. The opportunity to be BOTH a mom and work. Being able to attend school, and get a post-secondary education. The simple fact that when Lucas has a fever I give him Tylenol and take him to the doctor down the street for antibiotics. It used to be COMMON for people to die of a simple infection. People still do, I just don't see it here in my privileged place.

Vancouver 2010

Terry and I just returned from a whirlwind journey to Vancouver to take in some Olympic festivities. Good thing we scheduled this holiday because I was about to reach my breaking point in the weeks before we left. I don't know how you moms of 2,3 and more do it!! I was exhausted, run down and just all out done with work and life.

There was one night before I left in particular that I can remember falling asleep on the couch right after I put Lucas to bed when I was supposed to be washing my work clothes so I would have something to wear the next day. Needless to say, that did not get done so I was SCRAMBLING the next morning trying to wash my clothes and get Lucas and myself ready and out the door. The nap the night before was not worth all of the stress it caused the following morning and I will not be doing that again. Let's just say I had to drive Lucas to daycare in my dress coat and pyjama pants, then stop at Tim Hortons and return home to take my pants out of the dryer before I went to work. So much coordinating that it hurt my brain. But on my way to work (on time!) I felt like Superwoman because I got everything done. So moms of 2 and 3 and more, you must feel like Superwoman every time you leave the house with kids in tow and arrive at your destination on time!! I salute you.

Back to our much needed vacation. It was tough to leave Lucas with Grandma and Grandpa Vermeulen for four whole days, but everyone survived. Lucas had a great time with his Grandpa and Grandma (I'm sure he was spoiled rotten for the entire four days....I even have evidence...pictures of him dipping his FRIES into ketchup at MCDONALDS). Grandma and Grandpa had a great time too, but they said Lucas is a busy guy and kept them on their toes. How did they ever do it with FOUR kids???? My mom said she was much younger then. I can't even fathom having a six year old, two four year olds and a newborn.

I am not going to go through everything Terry and I did when we were in Vancouver. I'll sum it up with a few bullet points:

1. We walked.....and walked and walked and walked. All over downtown, many many times. The only way to see everything. The cauldron, Inukshuk, Robson Square, The Bay Olympic Superstore, etc, etc.

2. THE HOCKEY GAME - CANADA VS RUSSIA. An amazing sporting event that we will never forget. I will never get to see a game of that magnitude again and we knew that and made the most of it.

3. Beers at pubs with Amy and friends. The Canada vs USA game we were unfortunately watching the game in it's entirety from OUTSIDE the pub while Amy and friends were inside. Guess that's what happens when you arrive at game time.

4. Staying at Casa Tina. Thanks so much Tina for putting us up!!

5. Shopping!! Fave purchase: Mukluks!! Went on a trek all over Van to find ones I liked that didn't cost an arm and a leg.....just an arm. Even got a "nice mukluks" from an aboriginal gentleman on the bus ride home from downtown. Thanks dude.

6. Visited a few cupcake shops for inspiration. Thank you Big City Cupcakes.

It was a fantastic trip and in our opinion Vancouver did a great job hosting. Transit was easy, police were visible everywhere so we felt very safe, and everything was very clean despite the throngs of people passing through downtown everyday.

THANKS VANCOUVER!!! See you again soon!

Trouble!

Lucas is getting older. Newsflash I know. But this means he is more adept at getting into things, mostly getting into trouble.

I tried to get myself ready for my afternoon shift this morning and never again will I try to shower while keeping Lucas entertained at the same time. He rips open the shower curtain, and then gets himself and the bathroom floor soaking wet. When he gets bored of that, he then takes his wet hands and plays with the toilet paper roll, getting wet TP all over his hands. The water must make it look appetizing, because at this point he tries to eat it.

After my very interrupted shower I had the brilliant idea of putting Lucas in the bathtub while I dry my hair and what-not because usually he can keep himself occupied in there for at least 10 minutes. I found out that Lucas' new favorite drink is bathwater. He sticks his face in the water and sluuuuuuuuuuuurps some into his mouth, chokes on it, and then smiles at me like "That was funny!". I tell him "No Lucas, yucky!" so then he tries to do it when I'm not looking. Good try Lucas, I see you and then I hear you choke. Gross.

Exercise....or lack thereof.

I was so much looking forward to today. I had a soccer game this morning, and I have not played in WEEKS. We were actually playing a good team today which is a rare occurrence....which makes it even more sad that I got called into work and then couldn't go to my game. Arrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!

Which leads me to my point. I have not had a significant stint of exercise in way too long. And it is starting to drive me crazy. It worries me that I will never find the time to do it and it is something that I actually enjoy. I thought maybe if I was dedicated enough I could maybe do a few morning spin or power classes every so often. But if I get home at 7:15 from a 6 am class, that is nowhere near enough time to get both Lucas and myself out the door by 8:30.

After work, I pick up Lucas at 5:15 and I only have a few hours to see him before he goes to sleep at 8. I need those hours with him, that's the only time I see him all day. So working out after work is out too. By the time Lucas is in bed I am beat from the day's activities and all I want to do is collapse on the couch. This is the only foreseeable time that I could possibly exercise. And that does not leave me with many options as to what to do. No classes at the gym start after that time. I am no longer a weights-and-treadmill gymgoer. I like classes and playing soccer and running outside. Working out at home is OK I guess. I just find that I don't work hard enough and am way less motivated when I'm at home.

I don't know how other Moms do it. When do you find the time??? This is yet another adjustment I have to make in my life in order to fit in work and family, which I am happy happy happy to have to do, I just don't know how to adjust this one.

I was so desperate for exercise this weekend that I offered to do Terry's job of shoveling our walk and driveway (twice!).

Long time no post

Photo: Lucas ASLEEP in his sled. How do you fall asleep while being dragged across a bumpy, snowy road I have no idea.

Hi blog. It's been a while and it's not entirely my fault. My computer completely shut down on me and has been in and out of the shop (Future Shop that is....) for the past 2 months. That's no excuse you say? You're right.

I missed blogging about a lot of things, namely Christmas. And Amy's visit. To sum it up, Amy's visit and Christmas were great, and I really really missed not having her around when she left. Not only because she was a super huge help with Lucas and they got to be great buddies while she was here, but I missed just having her around to hang out with. Amy you can come back and stay annnytime.

After Christmas came Boxing Day. Boxing Day shinny to be exact. For the past 4 years, all of the soccer girls get together for a Boxing Day shinny game. The usual soccer girl-hijinx ensues and it is always, always a great time. This year was especially great because our team won!! (For the first time in four years, but that's a minor detail). A little bit of insight into the craziness that goes on before, during and after the game:

Before: The draft is held. This is serious business. Team captains (Amy and I on one team and Jenine and usually Parker on the other) compete for first round draft pick. Then the secret draft is held and only the first round draft pick is revealed, the rest of the draft is top secret.

During: This is no "let's just go have fun and not worry about the score" kind of shinny game. Everyone's competitive edge comes out and it can get a little rough.

After: Win or lose we hit the booze. Enough said. I would post pictures of our Boxing Day madness but I feel they are not blog-appropriate.

Enough about Boxing Day. Onto what Lucas has been up to. I SWEAR that his first words are:

1. Dad (My feelings are a little hurt Lucas. Whatever. I just carried you around in me for 9 months and then gave birth to you and then nursed you for months and months no big deal...what has Dad done that is so special??!? Huh?)

2. Cheese. OK so not really the full word. But he threw a tantrum the other day in his highchair when he saw me cutting cheese for my sandwich until I gave him some. He makes this "chussss chusss" sound whenever he sees cheese.

3. Hi. Clear as day this morning.

Ahhhhhhhh. Best thing ever.