I have mom insomnia.

I am absolutely exhausted. I have been having nightmares about bad guys and spiders (seriously... last night it was a robot-type spider that wove a very intricate web at the bottom of my closet shaped like a bridge) lately and I have not had a good night's sleep in a while. Also....and this is the case tonight...I go to sleep worrying about Lucas and I can't stop thinking.

It is 12:07 and I am lying in bed mentally going through the rooms of my house and making a mental checklist of all of the babyproofing that we have to do. And then I think I should maybe go check on him again just to make sure he isn't wedged up into a corner of his crib, or he has enough blankets. Even though I have checked on him 3 times since I went upstairs to bed. Is he getting enough sleep? Am I reading him enough stories? Feeding him the right foods? Too much foods / not enough breastfeeding? Not enough food / too much breastfeeding? Does he have enough toys and the right kind? Is he watching too much TV? Should I be playing more music for him and singing to him more? I could go on and on.

It is probably always like this for moms with kids of any age. Worry worry worry. All this stress is making me tired.

Once Upon A Child - My new favourite store.

Ahhhh Lucas has been napping for almost two hours. All of my hard work must be paying off. I don't think that's the case, I think today I just got lucky.

My mom and I went to Once Upon A Child today to look around. That store is awesome and I should have gone there way earlier. I have some stuff that I have never used/don't want and I think I will take it in tomorrow and see what they will give me for it.

Mom is coming over to babysit tonight after Lucas is in bed, so Terry and I can go out for a drink with some friends. Therefore, I have been frantically running around my house for the duration of Lucas' nap trying to make it even half as clean as my Mom's house. Not that she would care if my house is messy, but for some reason I really do. Especially if she is coming over. Must be a mother-daughter thing.

I think I am developing back problems from carrying around a 20 pound weight all day. Lucas gets weighed on Monday for his 6 month check up, so we'll see then how much he actually weighs. All I know is he feels heavy. He doesn't seem to be listening to me when I tell him to quit growing and stay little forever.

2nd last swimming lesson this morning. Lucas went under the water once again. He is a pro now. Could probably just drop him off at the pool for the afternoon and he would be OK. No? Not yet?

Pickled carrots are a delicious and healthy snack. Thanks Farmer's Market.

Mr. No Nap

This whole teaching Lucas to nap thing really sucks. Why can't you just give your kids everything they want and they still turn out to be perfectly behaved little angels and not spoiled brats. This is the first time of many I'm sure where doing the best thing for him is definitely not the easiest. The baby monitor is squeaking right now because he is protesting so loud. Ahhhhhhhh I hate hearing him cry. Five minutes, I can do it for five minutes. Maybe he will realize how tired he is and just drift off to peaceful sleep. Not likely.

This whole competition thing with being a new mom is driving me nuts. "So and so is rolling over/sitting up/has teeth/insert milestone here already, is Lucas doing that yet?" "Oh well I'm sure he will be soon, don't worry." Who cares if he is 5 months and 20 days or 6 months old when he sits up by himself for the first time? Does that mean he will be behind in life? Behind in school? I don't think so. So who cares. I really hope I don't ever inadvertently do that to someone. Because it really doesn't matter.

I can't take it anymore, Lucas wins today. And now he is happily jumping away in his Jolly Jumper. Best 40 bucks I've ever spent.

P.S. Everyone should watch Glee. It's a new show and it's good.