Remembering Kory

Wednesday October 19th, my 21 year old cousin passed away suddenly. The following weekend was a blur. Everything seemed like a really bad dream. And now, while the rest of us go back to some sense of normalcy, for his mom and dad (my aunt and uncle) and his sisters, things will never be quite the same. Speaking about this so briefly seems as if it is just a footnote, when in fact, I am doing my best to be brief out of respect to my family and their privacy. After something so tragic, I look at both of my baby boys and hug them a little tighter.

Goodbye 20's!

Falling asleep on the couch the minute after I put Eli to bed has become a Friday night ritual. I think it is a side effect of a long week. In this case, it has been a long couple of weeks with no reprieve on the weekends. As soon as the thought crossed my mind that things might been slowing down around here (finally!) they seem to pick right back up again. God help us when Terry returns to work and we are both working full time. Probably best if I just don't think about it.

For my 30th birthday two weeks ago, my awesome friends whisked me away for a girls night out at the cabin. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing group of friends who would organize a weekend away for me. Even though I was hesitant about a night away from the boys, it was a perfect way to say goodbye to my 20's. 30 is not the new 20. We were all asleep by midnight. My birthday celebrations lasted all weekend and by the time my actual birthday rolled around on Monday I was all birthday'd out! Thank you thank you thank you to all of my friends and family for an amazing 30th.

Playground update: Last week I brought my completed petition to the community association meeting, and spoke about why there is a need for a preschool play structure in our park. I was prepared and organized, thanks in part to my advisor Terry, and the information I presented was well received by the community association and president. The community association is drafting me a letter of support, which I will include in my report to city council. I hope to present my report along with my petition in early November. I have also been in touch with the community consultant from the city, who has been extremely helpful in answering my questions and keeping me informed of the park review process. The review process will take some time, but hopefully we can work together this winter and if all goes well, maybe we will have a playground in the spring!!

Defiance

I think the terrible twos have hit us a little late. I thought we avoided them somehow. But no, Lucas has figured out how to be defiant at exactly the perfect moment. In public.

I enrolled Lucas in gymnastics, his first unparented activity. The first two classes we attended, I watched from the sidelines as Lucas sat attentively and listened to the teacher and actively participated in class. I was so proud of him, and felt sorry for the mom and dad who could not for the life of them keep their child involved in class. Then I became that mom that all of the other parents are silently judging. I'm not sure what happened in the last two classes, but all of a sudden Lucas has just up and refused to do what he is supposed to. Last week I chocked it up to being tired and grumpy from not having a nap that day. But today there was no such excuse. It is incredibly frustrating this defiance thing, and I tried multiple approaches today with no success. A friend of mine blogged about a book that helped her ("Honey I Wrecked the Kids") that I just might have to pick up for myself.

My favourite act of defiance so far is the going limp strategy. Taking Lucas up to the line to go do a somersault and all of a sudden he has no bones or muscles in his body to hold him up. UGGGGHHH. And then he gives me the look. The "You can't make me do anything look". All I am thinking at this moment is "DO AN F-ING SOMERSAULT KID SO I CAN GO SIT BACK DOWN. NOW." Somersaults. These are the stresses in my life right now. Trivial.

Lucas has been a wonder-child. We have had it really easy with him and I know that. So hopefully this is a minor blip and we can continue on thinking we are the best parents ever. Ha.

I know already Eli is going to give us a run for our money, and we are not prepared. I might actually have to baby proof this time. The kid makes a mad dash for the stairs the moment the baby gate is removed. For a second I think we are having a nice bonding moment as I hold him and gaze into his big brown eyes, until he sees something he is interested in over my shoulder, at which point he starts clawing at my face trying to get me to move out of the way so he can get to the thing he is absolutely not supposed to have. Nightlights and computer cords mostly.

Playground update: 24 signatures to go!! I meet with the community association next week to get their support and after that it is city council. Stay tuned.....I know you are all on the edge of your seats.

Role Reversal

One month back at work and things are great!

My job is wonderful. I never dread going to work in the mornings, which is a good sign. I still dread actually getting out of bed....but I'm sure that never goes away. My co-workers are great, the hours are great, the actual work is interesting. Not sure I could ask for anything more! Well maybe more money....could always use more of that. Also, I don't have to wear the same thing every day!! I actually choose which clothes I want to wear!! Which means I need more of them, right?? Yes.

Working five days a week is wreaking havoc on my TV watching, keeping up with my blog (as you may have noticed), and keeping up with everything I need to do at my house. Lots of people have been asking me how Terry is handling things at home. Truthfully, so far he is doing a better job than I did! I think the expectation is that he would struggle. Maybe because he is a guy? Maybe because he hasn't been at home with two kids for an extended period of time? Who knows. All I know is that there is usually a meal prepared when I get home, my house is in good shape and my kids are happy and well looked after. Again, I can't ask for much more!

I could really get used to going to work and Terry being home. Unfortunately our bank accounts can only survive on one income for so long, so this arrangement will be short-lived. I think the boys are really enjoying the time with their Dad too. Dad is much better at playing trucks and doing crafts than Mom so I think Lucas is thrilled. The absolute best thing ever is coming home at the end of the day and having a little baby bouncing out of his high chair because he is so happy to see you. What a warm welcome home.

I am still nursing Eli three times a day and treasuring our time together before he will be completely weaned. It goes so fast! I am not stressing myself out about how much he is nursing vs. how much formula he is getting when I'm not here. I refuse to feel guilty about it. Three times a day is keeping me stress free while still letting me enjoy these last few months of nursing.

The countdown is on. About two weeks left before I turn 30. I don't even care really. I mean I love my birthday and all, having an excuse to indulge in some time to myself (and maybe a few gifts for myself!) but 30 isn't scary. Maybe after the day has come and gone I will feel differently....I'll let you know in a few weeks.

Playground update: 60 signatures!!! 40 to go. The hardest thing is finding time to go out and collect them. A lot of the signatures are people who don't have any interest in the playground, but are signing anyway. Great! And then there are people who have been in complete support and offering their time to help in any way they can, which is amazing!!! It also confirms to me that I'm not crazy, and there are others who feel the same way I do. I just have to keep at it, get my signatures and then move onto getting support from the community association. To be continued.....