I am "wasting" away my free afternoon at home without Lucas on the computer. I don't know where all my time has gone lately....well that's a lie I do know....work and soccer. But you can sure tell that I haven't been home much from the state of my house. Got that situation partly remedied yesterday and today. I need a laundry fairy and housekeeper. Probably not in the budget, just a guess. Know any that will work for free??
Lately it seems like I have hardly been spending any time with Lucas, so it was nice to have a day off in the middle of the week for "Lucas and Mom day". Swimming, naps, snacks, playing. After spending almost an entire day giving him my undivided attention, I felt a little less guilty about dropping him off yesterday morning before work so I could vacuum and do a few other errands that have been nagging at me from my to do list for weeks.
I wish there were more "Lucas and Mom" days but there just aren't. I'm sure he wouldn't grow up to be very well-adjusted if I gave in to his every whim and gave him all of his mom all the time, but right now I am not getting to see him as much as I like and it just plain sucks.
Having a full time job and being able to help support your family is a privilege, one that I try not to take for granted no matter how much I don't like going some days. I enjoy being able to feel valued at my job and use what I went to school for, and also have some adult conversation. However, by working full time I am sacrificing some precious time with Lucas, one of the many compromises you have to make as a working mom. Daycare is great for him, he loves it there, and is interacting with the other kids really well. At least that is what I tell myself when I drop him off. I just feel like the balance is a bit off, and if I had the option to work 3ish days a week, I think that would be perfect. Not an option right now.
I was complaining at work that I have barely seen Lucas lately, right after our soccer team had indoor provincials all weekend (which we WON!!! - Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!). A co-worker suggested to me that soon I will probably have to quit soccer so that there is time for Lucas to play soccer (or whatever else he wants to....just know Lucas there is no pressure...none at all....but if you don't play soccer you will never know ice cream or cheese again....no big deal). WHAT!?!? Quit soccer??? I have never heard a more absurd idea in my life. Honestly this did not occur to me until that moment that she is somewhat right. But sacrificing something that lets me exercise and hang out with my friends at the same time will not come easy. Hopefully not at all. Terry was sidelined from the soccer field this indoor season due to an injury, and told me the other night that surprisingly he really hasn't missed it. I am not at that point yet, and I honestly hope that I never am.
I just finished a book that my brother gave me for my birthday, called "Northern Light" set in the 1900's I believe, about a teenage girl living on a farm who's mother passed away. She was left with caring for her 3 sisters and her father, while also pursuing her high school diploma. Mattie is a very talented writer and is torn between the obligation to stay at home and care for her family, or continue with her education. So many things in the book made me grateful for the life I have. The opportunity to be BOTH a mom and work. Being able to attend school, and get a post-secondary education. The simple fact that when Lucas has a fever I give him Tylenol and take him to the doctor down the street for antibiotics. It used to be COMMON for people to die of a simple infection. People still do, I just don't see it here in my privileged place.
