When it rains it pours

My. Life. Is. Crazy.

Why on earth does it seem like there is a lot of very important stuff going on over here and it is all at once???

We are in the process......the annoying, on your toes, at the ready to leave your spotless house any moment process.....of selling our house. Anyone who has ever sold a house knows what I am talking about. And if you are trying to sell a house with kids living in it.....good luck. I am constantly running around from room to room trying to put everything back in it's place. Meanwhile there is a little mess-maker following behind me making messes of everything I have just cleaned up. Not that I blame him....I'm sure little boys are somehow hard-wired to see a perfectly clean room and want to take out every toy and tiny object and leave them all over the floor.

We won. Terry and I finally came out victorious in the bottle battle with Eli. Thank you to my sister-in-law Deena for the wonderful advice about the Playtex Drop-ins. They are the only ones that worked!! I CAN HAVE A LIFE AGAIN. Insert sigh of relief here. Not that I want to be gallivanting all over town every night, but it is comforting to know that I can leave him and at least he will be fed. That Medela breast pump has been worth it's weight in GOLD I tell ya.

Along with all of this craziness, it was Terry's 30th birthday last week. 30th birthdays are like New Years Eve. You feel the pressure to do something extra special just because it's your 30th birthday and not your 29th or 31st. Our life is too crazy for any extravagant parties right now. Besides, Terry is not at all an extravagant party kind of guy. Myself on the other hand....well let's just say I might be celebrating my 30th birthday for the whole month of October. I'm sure there will be numerous gifts bought for myself (because you know.....I deserve it....) and a few nights out on the town juuuuuust to make sure I got enough partying in before I turn 30.

Anyway back to Terry.....we celebrated with a simple date night out just the two of us. Thank you ONCE AGAIN to my wonderful parents for their babysitting services. Terry likes gifts that he can actually use or that he really "needs". (Another area where we are very different. What do you mean I don't actually NEED another pair of heels/new jeans/a bunnyhug/more Lululemon??? Aren't those needs??). So I got him a new bike. Something he will use every day in the summer to bike to work and something that he really does need.

Happy 30th Terry!!

Boys

A lot of my close friends know that I have had a girl's baby name picked out since before I even thought about getting pregnant. No boy's name came to mind, only a girl's name. For some reason I dreamed about having a little baby girl, shopping for cute little stylish outfits and playing dolls and dress up all day.

When I was pregnant with Lucas, Terry and I decided to find out the sex of our baby via ultrasound. At our first ultrasound the radiologist said that they couldn't tell very well, but that the baby looked like a girl. He advised us not to paint our walls pink since he wasn't 100% sure, but from what he could tell the baby looked like a girl.

Wrong, dude.

So what did I do? I could not help but purchase a few of the cutest little girl outfits that I had walked by so many times. I psyched myself up that we were having a girl, even though I knew it wasn't for sure.

Next ultrasound came and the technician told us that we were definitely having a boy and this time she is %100 sure. Terry and I both got in the car afterwards and said "A boy???? Huh???" WE WERE NOT AT ALL DISAPPOINTED......it was just that we did not know what to do with this information. I programmed my brain into thinking that I was having a girl, and I could not process that there was a little boy in there. An amazing, wonderful, perfect little boy.

When we found out we were pregnant with Eli, we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Because you know what, it just didn't matter. We (of course) absolutely fell in love with Lucas, and fell in love with playing trucks and dinosaurs and everything that comes along with little boys.

I think some people assume that because I had my girl name picked out, that I am somehow disappointed with two little boys, or that I will always long for a girl. Just recently I got asked if we were going to have a third child and "try for a girl". I don't feel done with two, and I'm sure we will probably go for three, although definitely not for a few years at least!!! If we do decide to try and have another baby, it will not be because the first two times around I didn't get what I wanted. It will be because I feel like three is the right number for us. Whether that is three little boys or two boys and a girl, it just won't matter.

This brings to mind a blog by a friend of mine on creating the "perfect family". You have no idea what your "perfect family" is going to be, and it may be entirely different from what you had planned. I know now that I was meant to be a mom of these two wonderful boys. And I wouldn't trade this life for all of the girls in the world.

Bedtime Stories

Bedtime is my favourite time.

And not because I finally get my kids out of my hair and have some time to myself. Ok well maybe it is about that just a little bit.....but mostly because I love actually putting them to bed. I love love love seeing my littlest Eli drift off to sleep in my arms, and cuddling him for a few extra minutes just to make sure he's asleep. There is really nothing more beautiful than a sleeping baby. I don't give two hoots if I am spoiling him and run the risk of him not being able to fall asleep on his own down the road. He is only this little once, and I am going to rock him and feed him to sleep as much as I damn well like!

And Lucas....is so much fun. Reading bedtime stories to him is one of my greatest joys. Some of the books we read are ones that my Mom and Dad read to me when I was little and they are still just as good. Our faves right now:

The Monster at the End of This Book - featuring lovable, furry old Grover. An old fave.

Little Owl Lost - by Chris Haughton. A new purchase, and so good!

Llama Llama Misses Mama - by Anna Dewdney (a gift from Auntie Amy!)

But No Elephants - by Jerry Smath. Another old fave.

Put Me In The Zoo - by Robert Lopshire

Richard Scarry's Best Mother Goose Ever. This book is so worn out from being read to me and my sister and brothers over and over and over.

However, Richard Scarry's Mother Goose has some questionable nursery rhymes. For example:

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself,
And all the bread and cheese I got I laid up on the shelf;
The rats and the mice, they made such a strife,
I had to go to London to buy me a wife.

The streets were so bad and the lanes were so narrow,
I was forced to bring my wife home in a wheelbarrow.
The wheelbarrow broke and my wife had a fall,
Down came wheelbarrow, little wife and all.

Buy me a wife?? Little wife and all?? Hmmmmm. We just skip those ones.

Another favourite of mine from when I was little is "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang". I picked that one off the bookshelf the other night to read it to Lucas and I didn't remember that there were guns and knives and bad guys in that story. Guns in a kid's book???? My how times have changed.

Lucas was kicking me as I was putting his pyjamas on tonight, and I threatened him with no bedtime stories if he kicked me again....then realized I would be disappointed if I didn't get to read him any stories. Thankfully it worked and we both went to bed happy.

What are your favourite kids books that Lucas and I should add to our repertoire?

Grateful

Yesterday as I was coming home and unloading the kids out of the van, our neighbour who I haven't seen in a while was coming up the sidewalk with his dog. He is normally a very jubilant and spirited guy, but yesterday I noticed right away that he was speaking quieter and walking slower than usual. I asked him if he and his wife were spending a lot of time up at the lake this winter, since I haven't seen him out in a while. He said "No....we don't go anywhere anymore, not since I have been sick. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October." My heart sank and I didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry to hear that" didn't seem like enough. We chatted a little longer before parting ways and I said "Nice to see you out, talk to you again soon". "I hope so" he said......

Ugggggh. That is so horrible.


I know this post is very cliché....living life to the fullest and seize the day and all of that....but I don't care.

When I came inside and had a chance to tell Terry what had happened, we had a discussion about how incredibly fortunate we are that we are healthy, and our families are healthy, and how much we take it all for granted.

It reminded me of a quote I had taped to one of my binders in highschool that I thought I would share: (It is kind of highschool-themed....but you get the jist)

Life isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all. It isn’t about who you’ve kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It’s not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it’s not about your grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life isn’t just about that.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about how you feel about yourself. It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion. It’s about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It’s about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life is about.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a warm house and a loving partner. A family that is always there for me, whether it be on the phone or down the street. Two wonderful little boys. I am thankful for all that I have and the opportunities that have been presented to me in my life.

So now I am at a loss. What do you do for a neighbour who has cancer? How can I help?

A Love Letter

To my Two Little Valentines,

You make me so happy and I love being your mom.

Lucas you are the sweetest big brother and such an amazing two year old. You love holding Eli and sharing your toys with him, even though he is not quite big enough to play yet. You are already protective of your little brother and when he cries you tell Mommy to pick him up. You even share your most prized possession, your boppy (blanket). Now that is love.

Lately you have been noticing that Mommy wears rings on her fingers. I told you that Daddy gave Mommy her rings because Daddy loves Mommy. Now whenever you see them you say "Mommy's rings, Daddy loves Mommy." So sweet. I have always told you that you are Mommy's sweetheart, and that I love you so much and now you are staring to tell me you love me so much. It melts my heart every time.

Eli you are growing by leaps and bounds every day. You are getting more and more cuddly and you love love love when someone holds you and bounces on the exercise ball. Your little baby coos and first smiles are so special, and I just want to bottle you up and keep you this little. On the other hand, you have started smiling at your big brother, and I almost can't wait to see you get older and start playing together.

Happy Valentine's Day Eli and Lucas,

Love Mom

Step class valedictorian

I am starting to feel like a human being again, and not just a walking milk truck. Getting out of the house is definitely helping and I am really loving my exercise class at the field house. The trouble with exercise like this is that it's not a competition. At least it's not supposed to be!

To borrow some words from Heather Armstrong of dooce.com:

This is hard for me because I want to be the valedictorian of spin class. And valedictorians? They are not mature. They are masochistic and self-punishing and total right out dumbasses. I was on the bike right next to the real leader of spin class: a woman who has eight kids and still manages to do two spin classes back to back at least three times a week. And even in that second class everyone is looking at each other like, "Did that woman eat Superman sandwiches for breakfast?" Forget the back to back spin classes. She has eight kids. She wins right there.

For some insane reason I am trying to be valedictorian of my step class. I find myself looking around making sure that I am working harder than almost everyone else. I say almost because.....let's be serious for a minute......my baby is 7 weeks old and I am just not in any kind of shape at all to be trying to keep up with some of these women. But for some reason I have to make it into a competition. When my arms and legs just can't take anymore, I find comfort in the fact that almost everyone is taking a rest, so it's OK for me to take one too. Step class is not a race. There is no prize for "best stepper" or "most reps". I know it's dumb.

I blame soccer.

I think it's good to have a little healthy competition in your life. The "my baby did this faster than your baby" type of competition? NOT HEALTHY.....or very nice.

I can't begin to describe the positive impact of playing competitive sports has had on my life. I think it is much easier or more natural for guys to become involved in sports when they are young. For whatever reason, whether it's playing sports isn't cool, or girls are more afraid of getting out of their comfort zone and looking stupid for trying, it just is not the same with girls. I am so thankful for all that sport has given me. That I have made life-long friends with my teammates. That I will always be physically active in some capacity because it has been instilled in me from years of training that it feels much better to be fit. And of course I met my husband by playing soccer!!! I would not be the same person without this important aspect of my life, and that is where my need to compete comes from.

If for some reason neither one of my boys is interested in sports I will be incredibly sad. I will begrudgingly accept it, but I will still be sad! Watching them play sports (hopefully soccer) is one of the experiences I am most looking forward to as my kids get older. I know everything that sport has given me, and I wish it for them as well. I think that is really what every parent wants. The happiness and joy they experienced in their childhood for their own kids, only more of it.

Can I write a post in 9 minutes?

We'll see.

That is how much time I have before I should wake Lucas up from his nap. I fear we will be venturing into 'no nap' territory sometime soon. The other day I tried (unsuccessfully) to put Lucas to bed for a nap for almost 2 hours. Sometimes I have to remember to step back from the situation and really think about how important what I am trying to do is. (I'm pretty sure that last sentence broke all kinds of grammar rules). No one died because Lucas didn't have a nap. In fact he was perfectly well behaved the rest of the day. This is what made me scared that soon he will not be having naps. Which isn't entirely bad because I won't be confined to my house for the afternoon all the time.

Time is up. Turns out one paragraph takes me 9 minutes. And now it is two days later....when I have finally had time to sit at the computer again.

When you have more than one child you learn fast that not everyone is going to get their needs taken care of immediately. The ability to multitask is a required skill, and if you don't know how to do it already, you will learn to in order to survive. You have to plan about 5 steps ahead, knowing that you only have a limited amount of time before Sesame Street is over or before a soother will no longer do the trick. All of this multitasking causes my brain to go into overdrive and sometimes I need to remember to slow down and just be in the moment. The other day I put in a movie for Lucas to watch while I fed Eli, grabbed my house phone to talk to my sister while I fed him and my cell phone to check my email. When I finally sat down to feed Eli I realized the insanity of all this running around and just sat and enjoyed. I listened to Lucas tell me all about the characters in his movie and what was going to happen next, and stared at Eli in amazement that I have this wonderful baby in my arms that will grow way too fast.

If I don't leave the house at least once I day I start to go stir crazy. So far this winter I have managed to still leave the house once a day, but we are running out of stuff to do!! I have no problems finding things to do on the days when Lucas is at daycare, but finding a fun activity for a 2 year old to do while I cart a newborn around is becoming a challenge. So far we have been hitting up the library and the play areas at both Lawson and Market Mall. I love those play areas. I can sit and watch from a close distance while Lucas runs around and burns off some energy. Any other great ideas to keep us entertained??? Preferably ones that are free/cheap??

New Year's Grinch

Day 4 of not being projectile vomited on....let's hope the streak continues.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. In fact, I am a New Year's grinch. Going out for New Year's Eve is always more trouble than it is worth and expensive to boot. Terry and I happily spent New Year's Eve at home and toasted with champagne at midnight. Terry asked me what I want to do this year - what I want to accomplish. I guess resolutions are just things you want to accomplish in the coming year, so maybe I'm not completely against them.

This year I would like to sell our house and get one that is more suitable for our family. These boys are going to need space to run or they are going to drive their mom crazy. There is nothing wrong with our house, it's just that we were not thinking of kids when we bought it. At the time, the market was just starting to get crazy and there was not much to choose from. So from the houses we looked at, this one was cream of the crop and we were lucky to get it. No regrets there, it's just that we have outgrown this space and need one that is more suitable for us. So in order to accomplish this one, we have a bit of work to do to get our house ready to sell. Not sure where we are going to find the time, but we have to!!

The other thing I would like to happen this year is a change in my career path. This isn't something I have a whole lot of control over. This past year at work was really a struggle but I have put it behind me and now I'm looking ahead. I don't want to think about going back to work anytime soon, but I will have to at some point this year. No matter what happens I know (or have high hopes!) it will be an improvement over my prior situation so that is something to look forward to.

Losing weight is everyone's resolution. It just happens to be that I had a baby in December and now in the New Year I am ready to get back into working out. I love to exercise. I love pushing myself and feeling good after a hard run or soccer game. I know I am going to struggle to find time to exercise. It's not an excuse, it's just an adjustment I am going to have to make. I am going back to soccer this weekend and starting Bellies and Buns with Baby at the Field House next week as well. I am really looking forward to both!! I loved that class at the Field House on my first mat leave with Lucas, and soccer is just an excuse to get out and hang out with the girls. Hopefully Eli will take a bottle so I can get to as many games as possible.

Christmas was fantastic. My sister came home from Vancouver and stayed with us for 10 days and was a tremendous help. Lucas misses his buddy Auntie Amy. When I win the lottery I think I'm going to hire her as our live-in nanny!! Don't worry Ames I will get you your own guest house. We were back and forth between here and my parent's house all week and it was so nice to get together with our family. I think I was a bit stressed out just trying to leave the house with everything in order and trying to keep Eli happy and fed. I'm sure I was a bit snappy or short-tempered at times, and for this I apologize (Amy and Mom this is mostly directed at you!). I have to try and not let the little things bother me or I'll go crazy before the year is over. So Amy, thank you so much for all of your help. And to Mom and Dad for hosting us so many times over the holidays. In fact that thank you should be an ongoing one for the tremendous amount of help with both Eli and Lucas all the time.

Eli is doing great. His eyes just melt my heart and I forgot what it was like to have a baby fall asleep in my arms and cuddle in to my chest. I am so incredibly fortunate to have two healthy, wonderful boys. I just might need to be reminded of that during the trying moments that are sure to come this year.

Super Amber

OK so I kind of feel like a superhero today.....

Today was the first day (and only day until January) that I am entirely on my own. Terry is at work for a few days this week, leaving me to tackle taking care of two kids on my own for the first time.

I'm not sure what possessed me to schedule my first outing with two kids on my first day alone with them at home, but everything turned out alright. I ventured out today to see my friends at work and get some groceries for Christmas Eve dinner. Leaving the house with a newborn and a two year old in the wintertime is a marvelous accomplishment. For those of you with more kids who manage to leave the house from December to March....not sure how you do it. I think today was a fluke of nature, because none of the following happened while I was trying to leave the house:

-A wrestling match trying to put Lucas' jacket on (thankfully this has only happened a handful of times)
-Eli spitting up everywhere
-Seeing Lucas' poop face after I just put on all of his winter gear
-Forgetting an important item inside the house and realizing just as I get into the van
-A meltdown because a certain blanket is not allowed outside the house

These things are bound to happen, I'm just thankful none of them did today.

I would like to thank the following for helping me accomplish my first outing alone:

1. My iPhone. For entertaining Lucas while I am loading up Eli into the van and also while waiting in the drive thru line at Tim's. No matter what Terry says, you were certainly a worthwhile investment.

2. David from Safeway for taking my groceries out to my van.

3. Most of all, my two wonderful boys who were so well behaved while I got groceries.

Now both boys are having an afternoon nap. I should really be ironing, washing my floor, doing my dishes, vacuuming, etc etc etc. Relaxing on the computer while watching What Not to Wear seems like a good use of my time.

Looking forward to many more outings like today, but trying not to get too cocky.....I know not everyday will go as smoothly!!

Over and out....Merry Christmas.

Baby Eli

Eli John Terry Fusco was born December 11th, 2010 at 11:36 am. Weighing 9 lbs 5 oz, 21 inches long.

These past couple of days have been a complete whirlwind. My doctor made the decision to induce me on Friday, since Monday would have put me 2 weeks over my due date of November 29th. I went into the hospital Friday morning and they gave me Cervidil and sent me home to wait to go into labour. I started having contractions around 3 pm or so and at 8 pm we made the decision to go to the hospital. This delivery was completely different than Lucas. Things were very slow going this time and they really had to try a lot of things to get him to come out. The contractions were manageable at this point and when I had my last one right before my epidural kicked in at 3:30 am I thought I had felt the last of the pain I was going to feel from delivery. I was sadly mistaken. They broke my water at about 5 to get things going and when that still wasn't moving things along they gave me some Syntocin to make my contractions stronger. At this point I was still at around 5-6 cm and had been like that for hours. At about 11 am I started feeling very painful contractions only on one side, and when I told the nurse I could feel them she wasn't too concerned. She checked me and I was 9 cm. I think this sent her into a bit of a panic because she started grabbing stuff and moving things around. All of a sudden I had two really painful contractions and then PAIN LIKE I WAS GOING TO DIE. Earlier in the morning Terry and I had heard a woman down the hall sounding like she was in obvious pain and we were both glad I was not that lady. I was worse than that lady. I have never screamed so loud in my life. I told the nurse I had to push. I guess there was no doctor in the room (I pretty much blacked out at this point....so I had no idea), so she told me not to push. Too bad lady. The resident got there just in time and after 3 pushes he was out.

I was not expecting the pain at all and I think that's what made it so much worse. With Lucas, I didn't feel a thing and was expecting the same thing this time around. I felt everything. I know what all of you natural birth superheros are saying in your heads right now (Boooo hooo.....I felt every contraction right until the end) but I had no intention of being a superhero.

9 lbs 5 oz. The exact same as Lucas. We grow 'em big over here at the Fuscos.

Today he is great. Yesterday was absolutely terrible. In the hospital I got a few stretches of uninterrupted sleep while Eli slept in his little basket and I thought "Oh great, this baby won't need to be picked up all the time like Lucas was at the beginning". Again I was sadly mistaken.

Breastfeeding with Lucas was a huge struggle at the beginning. It was incredibly painful for almost 6 weeks. I really, really, really did not want to go through that again with this baby. I asked every nurse to come in and help me feed Eli while I was in the hospital and things seemed to be going OK. The Healthy in Home nurse came yesterday morning and also gave me some really good pointers. But nothing I tried seemed to be working, and everything hurt. Eli was very unsettled and looking back he was obviously hungry. He was very demanding and cried every time he was put down. He barely slept at all. I cried pretty much all day. I cried because I was overwhelmed that I would not be able to care for two kids. I cried because I was so busy trying to console Eli that I hardly got to be Lucas' Mom at all. I missed him when he was right there next to me in the room. I cried because I love Lucas so much and hadn't yet bonded with this new baby like I had with Lucas. I cried because Terry is an amazing husband and just kept everything going while I was having a meltdown. I cried because I was not going to be able to breastfeed if this is how things were going to be and that made me so sad. Then my milk came in. Last night at about 11 pm feeding Eli finally felt right and comfortable. He has been a completely different baby since then. He sleeps. He slept in his crib last night for 2 almost 4 hour stretches. He cuddles. He is calm and seems happy. Happy baby, happy Mom.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Relief.

I have a good friend who has always been very honest in the struggles she faced when she had her second baby. Why is that the exception to the rule? Whenever you ask a new mom how she is doing, 99% of the time she says "I'm great. Everything is going swimmingly and I love being a Mom." or something to that effect. I would guess we do this because it is a front we feel we have to put on to make it appear as if we know exactly what we are doing and of course we are not having any problems. I thought about this friend a lot yesterday and it really helped me get through the day. Knowing that someone else had felt what I had felt and I wasn't the only one. She sent me a very nice message last night that cheered me up immensely. Thank you!!!

Hopefully this new version of Eli is here to stay. I am very lucky that I have a lot of help and support these first few weeks. January is going to come as a bit of a shock when Terry goes back to work full time but I will try to enjoy and appreciate these first couple of weeks having so much family around. I'm sure there will be times when that feeling of being completely overwhelmed will return, and there will be times when there is so much to do I don't know which kid to look after first, but hopefully I can take everything as it comes. For now I am a happy Mom of two beautiful boys.